“For a telepath, you’re a terrible liar,” he grinned.
“Maybe I’m only a terrible liar around you,” she blurted out. “I mean-”
“I know what you mean,” he grinned, his eyebrows dancing on his face in sheer delight while her complexion only seemed to turn all the paler, sweat bubbling nervously on her forehead. “I know exactly what you mean. Want me to take my socks off now, or later?”
He couldn’t help but chuckle as her dry mouth inhibited her from sounding out anything coherent or offer explanation to the meaning of socks that brought her out in a fluster, only managing something resembling a wheeze. “Don’t worry, little faery,” he doted, patting her head condescendingly in the same manner as she had done to him only moments ago. “Come morning, expect flowers, candy, and anything else your heart desires to show up on your doorstep.”
“You don’t have to-”
“Perhaps even a pair of socks,” he grinned. “Though I’m more of a stockings man myself.”
His finger came to rest on her lips, his doppelgänger proved an excellent study on her reception of him after all. Who knew the way to silence her was as simple as this? “And then I will simply ask, and you will say yes.”
“You’re beginning to sound an awful lot like him,” she replied with a grimace.
“Here’s the difference between him and I,” he said evenly, gesturing at the bot with a hint of distaste. “If you say ‘no’, I’ll hear you and understand what that means. Of course I will endeavour every which way to convince you otherwise, but if it is a ‘no’ I hear from you, I will leave you be. But that ‘no’ better be firm and final.”
“What?” he questioned, despite his preternatural hearing barely having registered the word as it escaped her lips.
“Yes,” she repeated, firm and final, loudly, “Yes, I’ll go out with you.” Surprised he couldn’t help but mirror her offered smile, his far less cautious than hers, thoughtfully she added, “Wear socks.”
“Told you she’d hate Thor and jump right into your arms,” Pam preened over the phone. “She’s such a girl.”
“Yes, Pam, you were right,” Eric conceded begrudgingly. “How much is this going to cost me?”
“I want another wedding.”
“The first time we didn’t know each other!” Pam explained as if that made all the sense in the world. “It was all about me, me, me… this time it’ll be all about us!”
“Pam, this is preposterous!” Eric protested, not only to the idea three weeks after the previous wedding, rather the assault to his wallet. He knew Pam well enough to know that in her world ‘us’ had no romantic notion whatsoever, it simply meant double the cost. “You do not need another wedding!”
“I’ll toss the bouquet Sookie’s way,” she pleaded. When it appeared he was only able to reply with a low warning growl that she knew all too well, Pam quickly added, “Guaranteed to get you laid.”
“This is all your fault!” Pam seethed.
“My fault?” Sookie whimpered beside her. “I’m really sorry, for whatever I did.”
“No, not you, Tinkerbelle,” Pam assured, shifting uncomfortably beside her as Sookie took her gentle tone as an opening to rub her head lovingly against her shoulder, emitting a contented sigh. As much as Pam thought she would enjoy holding that luscious body of Sookie tightly to hers, the needy personality was really ruining her buzz. Not to mention having to endure Eric and his panicky shit for hours, choosing the right socks earlier on in the night in anticipation of their ‘date.’ Who cared about socks! Sookie wasn’t even wearing socks! Well, she wasn’t wearing much of anything beyond the blanket Jason insisted she wore. “Amelia over there.”
“Oh,” Sookie nodded, looking thoroughly confused at the dark haired girl.
“It was supposed to protect them from Hallow,” Amelia tried to explain. “I don’t know what went wrong…”
“Tell the truth now,” Niall demanded menacingly. Pam couldn’t help but purr at the commandeering display, receiving a cheeky wink in the process from the faery prince. “You’ve muddled it up so much, I don’t even know where to start repairing the mess you made. Tell me from the beginning what you did.”
Amelia let out a large breathe, looking up into Niall’s stern eyes, elaborately explaining how for some reason there were suddenly two cats in place of Eric and Sookie hours after placing a protection spell. In a panic, she tried a multitude of spells to restore them, half of which she’d already forgotten, only for them to disappear into thin air, managing to find Sookie, naked as the day she was born in the basement, with the help of a locator spell and Jason. Eric was yet to be tracked down by Godric, last spotted similarly nude on social media, swimming in the city’s biggest park’s expansive pond. That wasn’t the worst of it though, both seemed to be at a complete loss as to what and who they were.
Sookie had cried out in panic when they finally found her, the telepathy bombarding her all at once with no knowledge how to use her telepathic shields for protection, and in Godric’s absence, forcing Pam of all people to be the one to soothe the girl’s nerves. Girl being the operative word, she didn’t even know how to go to the bathroom anymore. Not that Pam had much expertise in the matter either, and had happily directed her to a kitty litter tray that Amelia seemed to permanently travel with for yet to be discovered reasons.
“It’ll all be okay, dear,” Gran soothed, only for Sookie to flinch away from her touch, scrambling onto Pam who desperately tried not to display her overt disdain of being forced to carry the human-esque accessory by her side. Instinctively, the vampiress growled at her grandmother-in-law while holding Sookie in a more protective stance, soon uttering an apology, not quite sure where that instinct had come from.
“Any word on Eric yet?” Pam asked with worry, focusing on an instinct she at least could understand. “The sun will be up soon.”
“I’m sure Godric will find him,” Gran assured at the exact moment that the vampire in question thrust through the door, pulling a petulant, and very wet, Eric along by the arm, complaining in Old Norse that he wasn’t done swimming with the crocodiles of Central Park quite yet.
“Close your eyes, Sook!” Jason barked when her eyes instantly flew to the equally naked new arrival. Despite her avid interest that seemed to be reciprocated by the clueless blonde vampire, his talk of playing with crocodiles was soon forgotten in favour of the blonde girl. In a scramble, Jason yanked a curtain from the window and fashioned it around the tall Viking, completely forgetting to instruct Sookie to open her tightly held eyes again. Pam was quick to move Eric next to Sookie, instructing them to hold hands, freeing herself from the arduous task of acting physical telepathy shields.
“How long is this going to take?” Pam demanded from Niall. “We only have so much time before sunrise.”
“By the sounds of it,” Niall replied, “It’s going to take a while to understand exactly how to set this right.”
“Hi,” Sookie whispered, carefully opening one eye on the hard body that had been placed next to her. “I’m Sucky, I think. The blonde lady calls me Tinkerbelle sometimes.”
“Hi, Sucky,” he grinned back, falling sullen in the next moment. “I don’t know what I’m called.”
“I didn’t know either,” she whispered conspiratorially, putting him at ease instantly with that news and a warm smile. “I think your name is Eric.”
He shrugged, “Sounds good to me.”
“Sook!” Jason yelled, pulling himself from the conversation of the adults on the other side of the room who were intrinsically discussing how to proceed. “Keep yo naked ass covered! No one wants to see that.”
“This blanket is itchy,” she pouted.
“Sook!” he warned again, and with a huff she pulled the blanket back in place over her shoulders.
“Here,” Eric offered, sharing the unused expanse of fabric from his curtain with her, earning him another grateful smile. “This one isn’t as itchy.”
“Thanks!” she beamed. “I like you very much, Eric.”
“I like you too, Sucky!”
“NO!” Pam protested. “Absolutely not, we just rid ourselves of the cameras constantly following us! This is supposed to be Jason and me time! Godric and Adele can take care of them!”
“We’ve raised those babies once already,” Gran protested. “We’re not doing it again, besides you’ll need the practice.”
“Practice?” Pam cried out in horror. “Practice for what?”
“When you have babies of your own, of course,” Gran smiled, making Pam instantly want to claw her eyes out with the mere suggestion, no matter that it would ruin her perfect manicure. “Besides, Godric will need to look after Eric’s company in his absence, you can’t expect him to look after Eric as well. Look at them, he keeps her calm, there’s no sense in separating them.”
The gathered crowd regarded them with amusement, amicably chattering away like two children who’d found a kindred spirit on the playground. Sookie stuck out her tongue while Eric desperately tried to catch it between his fingers before they devolved into a litany of giggles. Fucking giggles? Pam desperately wished she was back in time, selecting one of three thousand pairs of identical socks for her ridiculously anxious Maker.
“Children aren’t cheap,” Pam noted shrewdly, remembering having vaguely read that in some woman’s magazine once.
“Jason and Sookie thrived perfectly well on a modest budget,” Gran countered, only to be interrupted by Godric.
“You will care for Eric as he is accustomed to, I will grant you access to his personal accounts.”
Pam couldn’t help but snicker as her Grandmaker appeared to cower slightly with the hairy eyeball the elderly women gave him, while quick to snatch the necessary credit cards from Godric’s hand. “Come on, children,” Pam announced with glee and a clap of her hands, high on the possibility of unlimited funds again, beckoning the pair of amnesiacs. “Momma’s got to shop!” Coming to instantly understand the cower Godric expressed moments ago, as she was treated to the same look of scorn from Adele, Pam was quick to add, “For, uhm… groceries?”
“I want to push the cart,” Eric whined, Sookie happily stuck her tongue out at him from her preferred position manning the grocery cart, taking to the task in all seriousness, where he was begrudgingly ordered to walk by her side to keep all the evil thoughts at bay. Pam merely sighed, holding up a selection of colourful cereal boxes until ‘Sucky’ pointed to one she thought she would like. Jason, meanwhile, was loading up the cart with anything tasty he could find, which was pretty much everything in the store.
“No pizza!” Pam warned Jason when he approached with a tower of frozen versions, obscuring his face from them in the process, only for Sookie to pout, which instantly prompted Eric to vow that he loved pizza and they therefore had to buy it. “I hate you all,” Pam growled, allowing the pizzas into the cart while wondering how she ended up the mother of three, fully-grown, misbehaving, Supernaturals.
“Can I have a lollypop?” Sookie asked longingly, staring at the pretty display.
“No!” Pam snapped while Eric was already eagerly offering a selection for Sookie to choose from. Assured Pam wasn’t looking, he sneakily stuck the flavour of Sookie’s choice in the inside of his jacket pocket. It appeared he was willing to do anything to see her smile at this point, it wasn’t particularly difficult either, where with Pam he wasn’t concerned at all whether she liked him or not.
“Don’t you want one too? There’s a blood flavoured one,” Sookie whispered. Eric thought about it briefly before shaking his head ‘no’ in disgust. Where it came from he wasn’t quite sure, not that he was sure about much at this point. Lowering the hem at the top of her sundress and pointing between her cleavage, she very sensibly pointed out, “I could hide it here.” Sadly she explained, “I don’t have a pocket anywhere else.”
Eric forgot to pay attention to exactly what flavour he stuck in there while she tittered softly at the ticklish feel of it. All he knew is that no matter what kind it was, he’d happily eat them all if she allowed him to stick them in that delightful little slot each and every time. He was already salivating at the mere thought, though still unsure exactly what was the cause, the mere thought of the blood flavoured lollypop had made him shiver in disgust only moments earlier.
“Chop, chop!” Pam yelled from the other end of the aisle. “I don’t have all night! Sucky, stop being so slow.”
“Here,” Eric offered gently, lifting her and placing her in the child’s seat of the shopping cart with her legs hanging over the bar handle, her skirt bunching up to her waist while she was awkwardly squeezed in. She giggled with delight with the sudden new position, wrapping her calves around his waist while he whizzed them at high speeds after Pam.
“I know what you’re up to, Mister!” Sookie giggled coquettishly when they came to a stop, making Pam wish she could still vomit with how cute they were being. It was fucking embarrassing!
“Do you?” he smiled back mischievously, moving his face very closely to hers. His lip millimetres away from hers, both staring intently in each other’s eyes, unsure exactly what to do next.
“Uh huh,” she nodded. “You just wanted to push the car-”
“OH HELL NO!” Jason yelled, dumping his collected assortment of curated snacks in the cart. “Hands off, you two! Sook, the whole store can see your underwear, God damn it!”
“But he makes the thoughts go away,” Sookie whined at her brother.
“You can hold hands, that’s it! I don’t want to see any other body parts touching,” Jason warned. “No funny business! Now get out of the cart!”
“You’re no fun, Jaysoooooooon,” Sookie complained while Eric helped her out, her legs still around his waist till he put her down with regret with one warning glare from Jason. Ignoring the petulant tone of his sister and chants of ‘meanie pants,’ Jason was quick to take possession of the cart, causing the set of amnesiacs to regard him with an identical set of scowls, begrudgingly following him when Pam barked another order for them to hurry up.
“Go stand over there!” Pam commanded when the two amnesiacs were dropping every single item from the candy selection on the conveyer belt with childish delight, while Pam hastily placed them back with, very disconcertingly, a look of genuine remorse for the cashier.
“Did you find everything you were looking?” a security guard questioned with a flirtatious smile while Sookie waited by the exit per Pam’s instructions. Eric was preoccupied by a vending machine, trying to figure out how to make it work. The guard’s thoughts surrounding her breasts were confusing her momentarily, causing her to remain mute. “Pay for everything from the store?” the guard tried again, wondering if the pretty girl was perhaps a bit slow or from another country.
“I didn’t pay for anything,” Sookie announced proudly, bending over slightly to show off the piece of candy nestled in between her breasts. “Don’t tell Pam about the lollypops!”
“You’re going to have to come with me,” the security guard said sternly while grabbing her by the arm.
“OW!” she screamed out, failing to see Eric while she was dragged away while being assaulted by the man’s every thought that stopped being very nice about her. “Eric!” she cried out in panic, only to hear a loud roar in an instant as he launched into the guard at high speed, fangs at the ready. He held her behind him instantly, snarling at the guard, finding themselves soon surrounded by the entire security staff. She held onto his back tightly, whimpering, only for them to tumble to the floor within seconds, surrounded by the smell of burning flesh as a silver net was launched over the two of them, forcing Eric to cry out in agony. Out of nowhere, or as much as she could determine, a strong electrical charge was expelled from her body, blasting the net to pieces and impacting the surroundings, only narrowly missing anybody, and surrounding the two of them in a protective magical barrier.
“Fucking hell!” Pam complained when she entered the scene of chaos, warning the security staff not to take any further steps, tossing her black credit cards to the manager. “I can’t take you two anywhere!”
“They’re like teacup humans, the worst they’ll do is play ‘Show Me Mine, Show Me Yours.’ For fuck’s sake, Jason, they’re in twin beds! What can they possibly get up to?”
“You so sure about that?” he asked doubtfully, regarding the pair already tucked in bed. Sookie almost nearing sleep while Eric stared curiously at the ceiling, the two holding hands in the empty space between.
“Would you rather I look after her tonight and you miss out on me showing you mine?” Pam hinted seductively, massaging her breasts demonstratively. “Momma needs her glass of full-bodied Jason-nay to forget this night ever happened.”
“Right then,” he gulped, switching off the bedroom lights with great haste. “Night, Sis!”
“Sucky,” Eric whispered in the darkened room, “how do you get rid of the thing between your legs?” It had been growing ever more painful throughout the night, making him unsure what the cause was. It had only gotten worse when he’d caught a glimpse of Pam helping Sookie get in her pyjamas after being declared a fashion disaster, whatever that was. Sucky looked perfectly fine to him with all the buttons in the ‘wrong’ place. However, unlike the painful wounds caused by the silver netting, this ache hadn’t simply healed in seconds after downing some blood, and Eric was getting rather worried.
“Oh, Gran showed me,” she replied with an air of expertise. “You use the paper by the toilet and just rub at it till it’s all gone. You have to close the door though.”
“It won’t work with an open door?’’ he posed curiously, wondering what kind of magic was at play with the door.
She shrugged, “I dunno, but she insisted that real ladies go to the bathroom with the door closed and not on kitty litters. Don’t you want to be a real lady too, Eric?”
“I guess,” he replied, figuring if Sookie wanted to be one, he surely must too. Moving to the bathroom and closing the door as per instruction, he quickly set to work with Sookie’s instructions, rubbing away at his erection with a sheet of toilet paper. When it didn’t seem to be helping at all, he only started to rub harder with the dry paper, causing him even more pain. Only just managing to stifle the yelp, he called out, “I don’t think this is working, Sucky!”
“Let me see!” she asked with a gentle knock on the door, as Gran had thought her real ladies did earlier. He opened and closed it quickly, only allowing her just enough room to slip in, fearful of the magic of the closed door working against him even more.
“Look,” he said with frustration, pointing at the angry and now rather raw erection jutting out between his legs. “It won’t go away.”
“Oh, I don’t have one of those,” she said thoughtfully, her teeth lingering on her bottom lip. “Does it always look like that?”
He shook his head, he wasn’t quite sure what it was supposed to look like. “It’s hurting,” he whimpered sadly as she came to kneel down to have a closer look at it.
“Maybe if I kiss it?” she offered gently, looking up at him. “When Gran kissed my forehead I felt much better.”
“Ok, then,” he agreed with little enthusiasm.
“You need to hold it still,” Sookie requested, fearful that she may cause him even more pain by doing that herself. Softly she kissed her way up the shaft, causing him to shudder slightly, but he indicated for her to continue, and when she neared the head and noticed the wetness oozing out of his slit, her tongue leapt out, to stem what she assumed was a wound, hoping to heal it just like Pam had done for her with the small injuries sustained in the grocery store. An agonized moan escaped him with the sensation, and in a mild panic, she cried out, “Am I hurting you? Maybe I should ask Jason? JASON! PAM!”
“No, no,” he assured breathily, “it feels good. Really good. Keep kissing it, I think it’s helping.”
She continued her path down again, pressing her lips as gently as possible, the sensation not quite as heady as before, but still immensely pleasurable for Eric.
“What is going on in there?” Pam demanded from the other side of the door, grabbing for the door handle only to find it stuck, Eric quickly having grabbed hold of it in an effort to keep it firmly closed. He was sure the painful ache was finally leaving him with Sookie’s help and opening the door would surely ruin this. “LET ME IN, ERIC!”
“No,” he growled back, moving his body frantically against the force of the vampiress tugging at the other side. Sookie, meanwhile, desperately tried to keep kissing Eric’s ‘ache’ away, the noises he was making only indicating all the more the need for the pain be gone, the erection now flopping all over the place without Eric holding it. Moving in a momentum of opposite synergy with a loud thwack, his cock suddenly hit her squarely in the face, forcing her to cry out in pain instead. At the sound of Sookie’s cry, he instantly let go of the door to tend to her, and the lack of resistance allowed Pam to rip the door from its hinges with all her supernatural strength, knocking her back on the floor and landing on her ass painfully, Jason only narrowly escaping the flying debris.
“Thanks a lot, Pam!” Eric roared angrily, cradling Sookie’s face tenderly with worry, his dick still jutting out from beneath his pyjama shirt, painful as ever. “Now I’ll never be a real lady!”
A/N: Remember when I flirted with amnesia and then discarded it? And then I did it again? And you all thought you’d suffered through all possible amnesia scenarios already and Sookie and Eric were just supposed to go on a cute date together where no one was allowed to mention socks… instead I gave you floppy wieners flapping all over the place? You’re welcome! #sorrynotsorry.
Complaints and appreciation (either/or) are encouraged in the space below 😀
Thanks to msbuffy as ever… mostly for the laughs but the editing work is great too!