“Maybe if I kiss it?” she offered gently, looking up at him. “When Gran kissed my forehead I felt much better.”
“Ok, then,” he agreed with little enthusiasm.
“You need to hold it still,” Sookie requested, fearful that she may cause him even more pain by doing that herself. Softly she kissed her way up the shaft, causing him to shudder slightly, but he indicated for her to continue, and when she neared the head and noticed the wetness oozing out of his slit, her tongue leapt out, to stem what she assumed was a wound, hoping to heal it just like Pam had done for her with the small injuries sustained in the grocery store. An agonized moan escaped him with the sensation, and in a mild panic, she cried out, “Am I hurting you? Maybe I should ask Jason? JASON! PAM!”
“No, no,” he assured breathily, “it feels good. Really good. Keep kissing it, I think it’s helping.”
She continued her path down again, pressing her lips as gently as possible, the sensation not quite as heady as before, but still immensely pleasurable for Eric.
“What is going on in there?” Pam demanded from the other side of the door, grabbing for the door handle only to find it stuck, Eric quickly having grabbed hold of it in an effort to keep it firmly closed. He was sure the painful ache was finally leaving him with Sookie’s help and opening the door would surely ruin this. “LET ME IN, ERIC!”
“No,” he growled back, moving his body frantically against the force of the vampiress tugging at the other side. Sookie, meanwhile, desperately tried to keep kissing Eric’s ‘ache’ away, the noises he was making only indicating all the more the need for the pain be gone, the erection now flopping all over the place without Eric holding it. Moving in a momentum of opposite synergy with a loud thwack, his cock suddenly hit her squarely in the face, forcing her to cry out in pain instead. At the sound of Sookie’s cry, he instantly let go of the door to tend to her, and the lack of resistance allowed Pam to rip the door from its hinges with all her supernatural strength, knocking her back on the floor and landing on her ass painfully, Jason only narrowly escaping the flying debris.
“Thanks a lot, Pam!” Eric roared angrily, cradling Sookie’s face tenderly with worry, his dick still jutting out from beneath his pyjama shirt, painful as ever. “Now I’ll never be a real lady!”
“There,” Jason announced proudly, supremely satisfied with his own handiwork. “Tucked up snug as a bug, you’re a real lady… eh… boy now! Yes, a real ladyboy!” Jason fucking loved duct tape! Sookie, meanwhile was squirming uncomfortably in the makeshift chastity belt and constraining band across her chest of the same material. Eric looked equally miserable with the giant structure of tape surrounding his nether regions. No matter that Jason claimed he looked just like a superhero/real lady with his giant bulky ‘underpants’ that wrapped over his pyjama trousers that would cease any blood from flowing were he still human. The only thing Eric had been thankful for was Jason’s help in making the ache between his legs go away, his initial suggestion of thinking about baseball was of little use, but the cold shower had worked like a treat.
“There, there,” Pam cooed, holding the bag of frozen peas to Sookie’s face who flinched with the cold feel of it. “It’s all fun and games till someone’s poked with a dick in the eye.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” Jason accused, his sister and the compromising position he found her in completely forgotten.
In reply the vampiress merely raised her ‘are you kidding me’ brow, “There were others before you, Jason Stackhouse-de Beaufort, and surely there will be many after you.” Instantly he bristled, puffing his chest out in anger and Pam grinned widely, riling him up just right for some good, old-fashioned, angry fucking. Coming to stand, she beckoned him with her finger, “Night, night, darlings. Mommy and Daddy need a little me-time.”
“They sure need an awful lot of ‘me-time,’” Sookie grumbled early the next evening, sitting in her pyjamas and wet hair that Pam had lovingly combed and braided while she watched ‘Dora the Explorer’ with Eric beside her with instructions not to disturb her and Jason for at least the next hour. Neither one of them were all that interested in the cartoon character, but they had yet to figure out how to work the remote or understand the concept of how much time had passed. “What?” she cried out angrily when instead of responding verbally Eric had pulled on one of her braids again.
“Nothing,” he sniggered.
“I don’t like it when you do that,” she whispered with a pout.
“Sorry,” he grumbled, thoroughly annoyed with himself. “Kiss to make it better?”
“Yes, please!” she perked up instantly, only to be distracted by the ringing phone, scrambling away while yelling eagerly, “Gran!”
Eric sighed dejectedly, whenever that Gran woman called Sookie would be preoccupied for forever and Dora was becoming really fucking annoying. Boots, the monkey sidekick, was okay though. He tried to distract Sookie to little avail, her face only appearing to scrunch up further with every second passing, intermittently replying with ‘yes’ and ‘I don’t know.’ On further inspection, to his supernatural hearing the muffled demanding voice on the other end of the line didn’t really sound like the Gran woman all that much. When he looked up again, Boots had been making a brief appearance after all, he suddenly found Sookie missing.
Tracking her scent through the house they collided in the hallway. “Hey,” he mumbled, pretending he wasn’t looking for her at all. He wanted that kiss, damn it, but it wasn’t like he was going to ask again.
“You have to help me!” Sookie cried out in a blind panic.
“Shh,” he assured, pleased that he could be of assistance. “I’ll help.”
“Ok,” she said, taking a deep breath. “That was some planner lady for Jason and Pam, but when I knocked on their door they kept telling me to go away. The lady said it was really, really important, and-”
“It’s okay!” Eric urged when Sookie’s words started to stop making coherent sense with the onset of blubbering tears and a general difficulty to breathe in and out properly.
“The lady said it was really important they go here, now, and that they were already late,” she sniffled, showing him the address. “But how can I let them know if they won’t even open the door when I knock? Gran says you can’t enter without knocking, what do I do, Eric?”
“Then we’ll go for them! It’ll be an adventure!”
“Like Dora?” Sookie cried out excitedly, his enthusiasm infecting her.
“Yeah,” he grumbled, wondering if he was now a monkey instead of a real lady. “Like Dora.”
Sookie thought Pam and Jason would be exceptionally proud of them. She’d barked the address at the cab driver just like she’d seen Pam do and Eric even added in a little growl for her, making them arrive right on time for the rescheduled appointment, except they didn’t quite know where to go next now that they were inside of the building. “Maybe she knows,” Eric proposed, pointing to the lady behind the reception desk. “Go ask her.”
“You go ask her!”
“I don’t know!” she cried out in frustration. “You do it, please?”
“Fine,” he huffed, nervously approaching the woman who was already carrying a disdainful look for the pair still wearing their pyjamas. Not to mention the rather odd duct tape decorations.
“Name?” she demanded before he even managed to get a word out.
“Uhm, I’m Eric, that’s Sucky.”
“Last name,” she spat out impatiently.
Eric kept schtum, becoming nervous under the woman’s scrutiny and his inability to answer such a simple question. “Stackhouse-de Beaufort!” Sookie tried, remembering that was Jason’s last name.
The woman nodded after consulting her computer screen, “Follow route 98, they’re expecting you.”
“Thank you,” Sookie replied softly, nudging Eric she hissed, “Say thank you, Eric! Gran says real ladies always say thank you when someone does something for you.”
“Thank you,” he mumbled, managing to briefly interrupt the set scowl of the receptionist, though on a positive note he was a lady again.
“You’re going to enjoy being with that one,” the receptionist laughed, “Run along now, don’t want to be late.”
With extreme concentration they managed to follow the signs before they arrived at the desk that marked the end of the designated route.
“Uhm,” Eric tried, lightly tapping the glass divide lightly.
The woman instantly scowled, eyes narrowed she demanded, “Stackhouse?” and with their collective nod she added testily, “You’re late, ID?”
“What?” Sookie questioned, unsure and grabbing onto Eric’s hand, squeezing it hard as a barrage of indecipherable thoughts infiltrated her own mind.
“Identification Cards,” she clarified, letting her eyes move up and down the oddly dressed duo. Finally understanding, Sookie proudly presented her driver’s license, Eric soon following her example. “Check these over,” she instructed, handing them over a set of forms. Dutifully they did as asked, only for them to be grasped out of their hands within seconds, “They can’t even enter names in properly, assholes. Be right back.”
“She’s not very nice,” Sookie whispered when the grumpy woman had disappeared out of sight.
Eric nodded emphatically, a frown crinkling his forehead he asked, “Sookie, how are we going to get home?”
“I-” she stammered, “I don’t know.”
“Right,” the administrator interrupted, the couple looking utterly at a loss with their lack of foresight. “Check these over and sign there.” Without much thought they signed, handing back the forms that were quickly stamped. “Pay over there and you’ll be good to go in 24 hours.”
“No!” Sookie protested with worry. “We have to get this done now!”
“Looking like that?” she snorted.
“Yeah!” Eric cried out indignantly, sensing Sucky’s distress. “I’ll have you know we’re dressed like real ladies!”
“You’re lucky we don’t ask for IQ scores,” she replied with a smirk. “Route 36, you’ll have to sit through a video instructional, get this box stamped, and they’ll tell you where to go next. Good luck, you two.”
“Thank you!” Sookie spat back, lacking the gentle tact her grandmother would have otherwise instilled in her for these situations. “Let’s go, Eric!”
Eric didn’t need to be told twice, he’d been waiting for an opportunity like this from the moment they were so rudely interrupted by that phone call earlier. No matter how confusing this adventure had been and boring that movie was they were forced to watch, Dora and her exploring had come to stand in a completely different light to him ever since, and having to listen to the funnily dressed man prattle on for what also seemed like forever, dutifully answering the required words when asked, it had all been worth it because of this. His eyes focused on Sucky’s who regarded him shyly, though excessively pleased that they had managed to accomplish what was needed for Jason and Pam, and now they were encouraged to kiss where Jason was forever forbidding it. Eric simply couldn’t believe his luck!
She inhaled sharply before offering an amenable smile that spoke of invitation and suddenly his lips crashed hard against hers, knocking her over in the process, and landing them both on the hard marble floor, hands flailing haphazardly around each other with a severe lack of direction.
“Oh hell no!” Jason cried out, rushing through the heavy set of doors, a rolled up newspaper hitting Eric on the head repeatedly after being yanked off Sookie, yelling, “Down boy! You get your hands of my sister!”
“For fuck’s sake!” Pam complained, holding up a piece of paper from the judge, freshly signed, “We’re too late, Jason!”
“No,” he screamed, “It’s not possible! Say it ain’t so?”
“Order!” the judge’s voice bellowed through the courtroom.
“Undo it now!” Jason yelled, eyes narrowing menacingly on the judge.
“You, will calm down! Now!” he instructed coolly, holding his gavel up in warning. “Or do you wish to be held in contempt of this court?”
“No, Sir,” he replied with a warning glance from Pam.
Swaying her hips with exaggeration, the vampiress moved towards the judge, cursing the implementation of anti-glamour devices in all public offices, purring, “Can we speak in private?”
“Not likely,” he answered, matter of factly. “Now if you don’t mind, there are others waiting.”
“But surely you can see this is a mistake,” Pam tried again, seductively catching the man’s eye. Whispering lowly with a gesturing finger to her temple, she added, “They’re not really all there.”
“So you say, there is nothing indicating they are not sound of mind, a little peculiar perhaps. Trust me, I’ve seen far stranger in this courtroom,” he dismissed. “What’s done is done. Next!”
With a huff, Pam spun on her heels, growling at the wriggling trio on the floor, as Eric was still trying to get his kiss in, despite the parade of thuds to the head from Jason’s newspaper, “Let’s go!”
“I think we did it wrong,” Sookie whispered sadly to Eric as they followed Pam out, Jason physically separating them as much as possible, arms splayed wide and wielding his rolled up newspaper in warning between the two. “We’re really sorry, we wanted to help and-,” she sobbed, wailing, “We just wanted to be like Dora!”
“Who the fuck is Dora?” Pam growled.
“The girl that looks like a dude,” Jason reminded, “You know the one with the pet monkey. From the TV.”
“You wanted to be like the little dyke?” Pam questioned Sookie, whose wobbling lips spelled little good. “Eric tries to be a ladyboy for you and this is how you repay him?”
“Pam!” Jason barked angrily, seeing the utter distress his sister was suffering from the whole ordeal. “This isn’t about you or that horny ladyboy Maker of yours, God damn it!”
“Surely this is all her fault!” Pam spat back. “Eric wouldn’t hurt a fly!”
“Have you forgotten what he did to Sookie last night?” Jason yelled back with a cringe. “Don’t you dare blame my sister!”
Pam’s eyes narrowed, her arms crossing over her chest in warning, prompting Sookie to sob, “I’m really sorry, I just wanted to help-”
“Awe, Sis,” Jason sighed, pulling her tightly for a hug and causing Eric to bristle for being shoved aside. “It’s not your fault, it’s an honest mistake. I just hope you’ll forgive me when you get those memories of yours back.”
“Me, forgive you?”
“Yeah,” he replied with an apologetic smile. “Know you always wanted the big extravaganza, the white dress, bells, whistles, and all. Your one true love, and Niall walking you down the aisle.”
“I don’t think I understand, but I’m sure I’ll forgive you, Jason,” she smiled. “I’m not someone who’d be vengeful over a mistake, am I?”
“Well, Godric and Gran certainly are,” Pam huffed, fearing the loss of her unsupervised spending spree coming to an end if they ever found out what happened under their watch. “Not to mention Niall! Neither of you say a word till I get this overturned.”
“About what?” they replied in unison, thoroughly confused.
“Yes,” Pam replied, wide grinned and satisfied. “Say it just like that.”
Eric and Sookie regarded each other in continued confusion, and finding no answer in the other, they merely shrugged and followed the vampiress out of city hall.
“Pam?” Eric asked tentatively, receiving only an indecipherable look in reply, he dared to ask, “Can I kiss Sucky now?”
Jason instantly wanted to protest, but was silenced by a single manicured finger, “What the hell, fine,” she replied. “Eric, you may now kiss your bride.”
It turned out the third time was the charm, pressing his lips chastely against hers, the steps of city hall solving their usual height discrepancy. They did nothing more than grin wide upon connecting, a funny feeling overtaking their stomachs when they detached, not quite sure where one was supposed to progress from that point on. It had felt nice, the soft feel of lips bouncing from one against the other, but it didn’t quite look like the couple in front them had gone before the judge. Eric moved in for a second try, but was quickly stopped by Jason, and this time Pam didn’t stop him, earning them a twin set of scowls from the newlyweds.
“So, what now?” Pam asked, breathing out as if she was genuinely tired. The night had been alarming and exhausting after all, finding their two charges gone and only leaving a difficult to decipher note about going on an adventure with Dora and Boots to help them and the planner. Realisation dawning on them only later that one of them had spoken to the wedding planner who was fired seconds later as she foolishly explained about the appointment she had set up for Jason and Pam to get their wedding license at city hall, not realising that their second upcoming wedding was technically a renewal of their vows. How her Maker and Sucky had managed to get themselves married instead was a mystery yet to be solved, but it was too late undo now. She’d call the demon lawyer, surely he’d have this overturned soon enough and with any luck the two amnesiacs would never know they were married. After, Pam would have a little chat with that excuse for a witch to make sure of just that. She assured herself things were going to be just fine. A thing that was only reinforced as her eyes settled on something familiar in the distance across the wide avenue, a flagship store beckoned, her Maker’s credit cards practically burning in her pocket with the prospect. Yes, Chanel would make this all right again.
Jason’s eyes followed hers, settling on a storefront two buildings over, the same sense of relief washing over him in that moment, and they regarded each other in understanding with a shared smile, their next destination determined, and the answer to what now shone like a beacon. Jason happily cried out, “Pizza!” only to receive an annoyed hiss in return. An apologetic face was offered to Pam automatically, except her gaze was still focused on the possibilities of high end designer goods that were hers for the taking, forcing Jason to seek out the source of the sound elsewhere, finding it by his feet in among a set of discarded pyjamas, only just managing to pull kitty Eric from mounting Jason’s suddenly furry sister.
“Pam,” Jason said warily, calling her attention to the cat in his hands.
“Oh, fuck a zombie!”
“Knowing you,” Jason accused, loosening his hold on the squirming feline, “you probably did!”
A/N: Ah, the lengths Eric will go to to be considered a lady… *snicker* hope you enjoyed and still had a few laughs and enjoyed the wedding! You know what the space below is for…
Much thanks to msbuffy as always!