A/N: Inspiration strikes in the strangest places and for this it was a TV documentary/reality show called, “Married at First Sight” (I watched the UK version, I know there’s a US version too, but it’s originally a Danish format though I have no idea how varied they are from one to the next, me and my rosy Eurotrashy (sun)glasses are assuming the US version ups the drama a bit for added effect unnecessarily with lots of exciting commercial breaks in between… those who’ve seen it will just have to let me know).
Anyhow, in it, a gathered group of experts use ‘science’ (and I use the term loosely since it appeared that beyond a bit of measuring that compared ratios, it seemed mostly reliant on social sciences as evidentiary base) to match up individuals whom they felt would ‘fit’ and could, therefore; in theory marry each other, sight unseen, and have a successful arranged marriage. They are married without meeting until they say ‘I do’ and are followed for five weeks at which point it is evaluated whether or not they will stay together.
Personally I had some issues with their methods (a high emphasis on matching highly similar qualities rather than complimentary, an ever-present camera crew chronicling it all in an already awkward time, one expert was a cleric and his accreditation for being an expert was as follows “I married over a 150 couples.” etc., etc.). Regardless, it was an interesting watch and the ‘what if’ tingles in my Supernatural Wonderland started to surface along with some new insights to produce this little tale.
It’s kind of revealed in the first few sentences, but you’ll never guess who’s getting married… Oh, and a forewarning! The title is very misleading 🙂 Also, I’ve always found Adele’s character to be rather schizophrenic to suit CH’s plot whims so I’ve sort of gone with the ‘liberal’ version of her as she was originally portrayed and fleshed that out a little, but that makes her very OOC in this.
“What do you mean you’re getting married? To whom?”
Sookie heard a rustle of papers over the phone before finally getting a response through a myriad of smacking noises and whoops, “Pa-mela Swinefort de Bo-bo…”
“JASON CORBETT STACKHOUSE, you are not marrying some girl whose name you can’t even pronounce!”
“Here’s the best part, Sook! We haven’t even met!” he crowed triumphantly. Sookie could only roll her eyes at the thought of her idiot brother who would find that an appealing perspective. Uncharacteristically he hummed thoughtfully before adding, “I’ve been assured she’s hot as hell though.”
“I’ve made up my mind, Sis!” he replied in a tone that she knew to be unwavering. “Now you can either come out here to celebrate with us or not. I’m doing this either way.”
“Jason, this is insane!”
“Limo will be there in a few, make sure to tell Gran and GG!”
“JASON!” she cried out again, but was only met by the very rude dial tone. “The nerve of that boy!” she fumed while stomping the on the porch plank with a little too much force considering their state of disrepair.
“Baby girl? Everything alright?”
“Gran!” she gasped, looking about as guilty as a child with her hand caught in a cookie jar. With panting breath she clutched the phone to her chest. “Gran, you better sit down.”
“Jason’s getting married?” she beamed when Sookie had carefully regaled all the details of the reality-TV show Jason had signed up for that had promised him a custom-made bride to suit his every need by a panel of experts. He’d initially gone along for Hoyt’s sake, but in the end he had been the one with a ‘perfect match’.
“To someone he never met!” Sookie exclaimed, eyes wide with disbelief over her grandmother’s apparent excitement with the sudden news. She continued to smile gently while Sookie feared her jaw was going to literally fall to floor. “For a reality TV show!”
“Sookie dear, it doesn’t matter how a man finds a woman, just that he finds one.”
“Gran! How could you say that?”
“Sookie, not everyone gets to marry for love, arranged marriages were quite the norm back in my day. You think your grandfather and I knew what we were getting into when we were first wed? We thought we knew everything, turns out we didn’t.”
“Gran, stop, please,” she groaned with the physical assault of her grandmother’s memories of her fumbling wedding night.
Adele chuckled, sensing what she had inadvertently projected to her granddaughter, “Marriage is a process, Sookie, and no one really knows what they’re doing. They’re probably better off because they’ll be forced to consider each other, every step of the way rather than relying on past comforts and letting overtures cloud the rational.”
“I can’t believe you’re in support of this,” Sookie said with a shake of her head.
“How exciting, a wedding! I’ll get started packing our bags,” she smiled before patting her granddaughter on the shoulder. “Better close that mouth of yours, don’t want to be catching flies now, you hear?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” she whispered before exhaling deeply, finding herself alone on the porch again.
Her brother was getting married. Married! He couldn’t even manage to stray from one girl to the next without meeting a third on the way! The thought was so preposterous that she didn’t know whether to burst in tears or laugh hysterically. Knowing her, it would most likely be an awkward combination of the two at the most inopportune of times.
“Great-granddaddy!” she sobbed when he suddenly appeared before her, sensing her distress, accosting the otherwise unscrupulous man with vigour. “Jason’s getting married!” Sookie cried out, not even feeling guilty for staining his impeccable white suit with her tears.
“We’ll find you a suitor soon enough,” Niall soothed. “Don’t worry, my dear granddaughter, he probably won’t even make it down the aisle before he finds a new behind to sniff,” he chuckled. “You’ll definitely marry first.”
“This isn’t about me!” she exclaimed with frustration all over her face. “He’s made up his mind, they’re getting married tomorrow!”
“Without consulting me!” he said thoroughly aghast. “I am the head of this family. Who is he marrying?”
A small twinkle of hope emerged in Sookie’s eyes at the thought of an ally who would prevent Jason from the biggest mistake of his life. She breathed out with a modicum of relief before vaguely recalling the name, “Pamela Bo de Swin or something?”
“Pamela Swynford de Beaufort?” her great-grandfather queried with a little too much excitement.
“Yeah, sounds about right.”
“No worries, great-granddaughter mine,” he grinned. “I will see to it all is well. Her Maker and I will have ourselves a little chat.”
“Maker?!” she cried out in shock. Her great-grandfather, however, had seemed to take a cue from her brother as he merely shrugged before popping away and announcing, “See you at the wedding!”
“Pamela,” her Maker growled down at the phone. “Explain yourself!”
“Are we going to do this every month?” she drawled out, bored with the conversation already. “I didn’t shop that much.”
“This isn’t about the credit cards! You’re getting married?!”
“Oh yes,” she mused. “I almost forgot. Did you want to be there?”
“Be there?” he fumed. “Do you have any idea whom you will NOT be marrying?”
“Actually, no,” she smiled while wiggling her newly painted toes and sending away the pedicurist with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Jason something or the other. I thought it would be fun. Always wanted a wedding.”
A string of expletives were launched into her ears while she merely shrugged and handed off the phone to one of her procured bridesmaids as she focused on how to wear her hair the next night. She beckoned the girl to return while making a mental note that she definitely would be eating her first tonight when her Maker suddenly alternated his indignant cries over the phone to her with that annoying Maker’s call she couldn’t ignore. That shit hurt like a bitch and not in the good way.
“Yes,” she answered with all the feigned innocence she never possessed.
“You are marrying a FUCKING Brigant!”
“No, I’m not.”
“A Jason Stackhouse,” he said pointedly.
“Mmmm,” she mused. “Sounds about right.”
A growl of exasperation travelled down the phone line once more and with a mere wrinkle of her nose, the bridesmaid was quick to remove the phone away from the bride-to-be’s delicate ears again. She was so getting eaten tonight. “Jason FUCKING Stackhouse is Niall Brigant’s great-grandson.”
“I’m marrying a Faery Prince?!” she screamed out with joy, clamouring for the phone again.
“Pam, you are ending this now!” her Maker warned. “The dowry alone is extortionate. No one wants this.”
“I do, I do,” Pam cried out in glee, turning in circles in the opulent room as she did. “Oh Eric, a thousand times I do!”
“PAMELA!” Even he was getting tired of the accompanying growls that now seemed permanently attached to her name. “You don’t even like men!”
“Yes, well,” she sighed. “That bothered me too, but it’s too much effort glamouring an entire government body to make that legal. Unless you’d like to take that task? Besides, I’ve been told no one has sex in a marriage anyway, although with the promise of a bit of faery nip…”
“Pamela,” he breathed out while contemplating what exactly he’d have to kill tonight to unleash the amount of frustration harboured over these sudden proceedings. “You do NOT fuck with the Brigants. Call it off!”
“Ehm,” she spoke with a saccharine tone that he knew to be the fakest of all he’d ever encountered in his many centuries. “How about, no.”
“See you at the wedding!” she smiled before one of her minions expertly disconnected the line and disposed of the phone.
A/N: So are we liking this?
Much thanks to msbuffy my ever faithful confidant and polisher of words 😉