“Mini-Pam!” her mother squealed while she greedily grasped for the infant, nearly forgetting the four children that were already carefully arranged on her body.
“Careful now,” Niall spoke cautiously as he proceeded to steady the four boys. The girl was significantly smaller as she was positioned between two sets of her brothers.
“Took you little fuckers long enough,” Pam said without the usual hostility that normally accompanied that particular scolding back when they were still invasive aliens trapped in her body. “Are we done here?” she questioned as Dr Ludwig surfaced again.
“Just about,” the doctor announced holding up the placenta with the clamped cords still attached, strangely resembling some sort of deep ocean creature that only made the sight of the doctor in her snorkelling gear more ridiculous. “Niall, you remember how to do this?” she continued while tossing the Prince of the Fae a pair of scissors. After making sure all five children were secure he happily posed for the camera snipping each cord.
Sookie held out a towel to the doctor who finally got out of the tub after throwing out the flippers and snorkel gear.
“Let’s take a looksee,” Ludwig announced holding her hands out for Pam to hand over the children one by one. Pam only reluctantly handed over each child as her vampire healing was instantly regenerating her to her former body, making it difficult to keep the kids above the water. The doctor focused on the little girl first as she was the smallest and least vocal of the noisy bunch. “Name?”
“Princess Pinnie,” Pam returned with a slight lilt and a mist to her eyes while Niall helped her out of the tub. She looked down her body, glad to be able to see her feet again, though noting she was in dire need of a pedicure. Momentarily she squeezed both breasts while tossing a lascivious glance to Niall, contented they were still fuller than before.
“Erin Pin Brigant,” Niall offered to the small doctor while wrapping Pam in a towel and getting in a good squeeze himself.
“Erin?” Sookie whispered becoming rather misty-eyed at the reveal of that particular name while Eric himself stood speechless at the honour. “After Eric?”
“Yes,” Pam answered sharply shooting her Maker a patented glare. “Unlike some people, I have no qualms about naming my children after the most important blood relations in my life. We agreed I could pick the girl’s names. Had there been more there would have been a little Erica, Goderica and a Tara.” Pam’s voice fell slightly with the last two names and when tears started to gather at the corner of her eyes she proceeded to mutter something about stupid pregnancy hormones before retreating to the adjoining shower room to rinse off.
Sookie gave a knowing glance towards Niall knowing full well that, like her, he knew exactly what the division of the sexes would be before the babies were born. He shrugged, then mentally informed, “She was talking of Calvin, Halston, Valentino and Gianni for the boys. Those are no names for royal Brigants.” Sookie shook her head admonishingly but completely understood her great-grandfather’s scheming while Eric and she started arranging the boys in order of birth for the doctor to inspect.
“Conall Sprig Brigant,” Niall stated for the record while Dr Ludwig continued her inspection of the firstborn before naming the second, “Ewan Tack Brigant.”
“They seem healthy enough,” the doctor spoke after careful inspection before handing them off to the nurse Isolde who wrapped them in the most luxurious blankets she had ever come across and fitted them with loudly labelled designer hats. “This would be?”
“Leary,” Pam answered as she entered the room in a soft pink silk robe carrying Pinnie against her chest. “Or Lóegaire Spike Brigant,” she continued with an eye roll to display her disdain with the pompous name the Prince of the Fae had chosen.
“You´re not serious,” Eric groaned.
“Niall chose the boy names!” Pam whined.
“I’m groaning at the name of your ridiculous childhood friend.”
“Spike? Well, it wasn’t like I would go with William,” she scoffed. “Better get used to it, he’s coming to the wedding.”
“You’re not seriously naming your child after that half-demon vampire mutt, are you?” her Maker demanded with a growl.
“Hey, he has a soul now,” Pam countered with a huff in defence of one her oldest friends.
“Because that worked so well for his Grandsire,” Eric pointed out testily.
“As interesting as this Spike sounds,” Ludwig interjected. “I’d like the name of the last one.”
“Taranis Braden Brigant,” Niall spoke softly while looking at Pam as if she were the only entity in the room.
“Niall,” she whimpered at the altered name that clearly stood in memory of her lost progeny.
“Is that alright?” he requested as her head came to rest against his chest. “We can still go with Carbry.”
“No,” Pam returned, now completely unembarrassed for tears to fall when she recognised the approval from Lafayette who had quietly snuck in when informed Pam was decent again. “It’s perfect.”
“As is this one,” Ludwig announced upon completing her final examination. “Want this gone?” the doctor enquired casually holding up the small bit of foreskin on the impressive Brigant-sized manhood.
“Circ.. circumcision?” Niall stammered out aghast.
“Sure why not?” Pam shrugged. “Give them some porno penises. Wax them while you’re down there too.”
“Pamela!” Niall and Eric yelled out in protest who with a mere mirrored look became instant allies.
“That’s a ‘no’ on porno penises then?” she questioned with a quirked brow at the two outraged males.
“I’m snipping away then?” Ludwig asked for confirmation holding the specialised instrument especially close to the piece of skin.
“So Pam’s kids are Eric’s grandbabies but me and Sookie’s great uncles and aunt,” Jason asked while pensively scratching the sandy blonde locks on his head hoping that somehow it would help the information thrown his way absorb into his brain. “What are Sook’s kids then?”
“Their own aunts and uncles?” Lafayette tested no longer sure either. “Let’s just say you`s all proper Southern now.”
“Does that make me my own grandpa?” Jason spoke up, suddenly excited by the idea while humming along to the tune of that particular song.
“Ouch!” Jason exclaimed when Lafayette instantly slapped the back of the especially dumb blonde’s head, causing him to shoot out the last of the cake samples he was stowing away.
“I think you need to be turned by one of Pam’s children for that to happen,” Willa giggled although even she had trouble making sense of the interwoven familial relationships.
“It’s nice, you know,” Jason said after finally catching his breath again and downing a glass of water for the misplaced cake. “Having a big family again.”
“Yeah,” Willa agreed softly. “It is.”
“How does it feel to be a grandpa?” Sookie teased as they were looking down on the five snoring babes in matching outfits. “Ready to strap on a diaper yourself, Methuselah?”
“You think you’re so funny,” he growled out into her neck. She shrieked a little too loud, disturbing the quintuplets sleep when he suddenly pulled her body into his.
“Shh!” she demanded in a loud whisper. “Look what you did.”
“I believe the noise was coming from here,” he taunted while stroking up and down her neck. They continued to watch as the unsettled bunch slowly fell to rest again. All except little Erin whose vivid blue eyes, clearly an indiscriminate copy of her mother’s set, stared back at the couple above her with scrutiny. In the process of waking her arms had sprung free from her confining blanket, at which she happily stretched out demanding more space between her and her brothers. Her face got stuck in a look of annoyance when she noticed that despite her efforts at slapping her siblings away they remained firmly in place.
“She really is a Mini-Pam,” Sookie laughed quietly. “I hope Eva isn’t too sad about giving up her title.”
Eric hummed in agreement. “We could always try for another,” he spoke huskily in to the shell of her ear as his hand caressed over the round of her stomach that much to his disappointment seemed to disappear with each passing night. “Knock this little one off her throne.”
The little one in question furrowed her brows and let out a petulant huff at the spoken threat.
“Two’s enough, Eric,” Sookie returned with a giggle though not quite convincing herself with the statement.
“For now?” he asked hopefully.
“For now,” she confirmed with a smile.
“Sookie, how do you do this?” Pam demanded gesturing wildly at her ample chest when Sookie walked into the living room in the early morning to prepare some breakfast before breastfeeding Viggo and Eva herself.
The otherwise tidy room was in complete chaos, toys that Pam’s children were still too young for were sprawled everywhere. It was evident they were clearly tossed there by Pam as they lay in shatters after being rejected by her children as play objects. Then there were the discarded clothes, used diapers and random burping cloths strewn around. Two of her children only wore their diapers, while one had lost his diaper somewhere and was currently urinating with an impressive ray into the air before it descended on Eric’s expensive sofa, and the last two were latching onto her bare breasts with little success.
Sookie quickly placed a diaper over the little fountaineer stopping any further damage which she quickly wiped away with the stray cloths before placing the rather not-so-bashful boy beside his siblings under a blanket. She waded her way through the mess, pulling the feeding pillow she kept in the living room closet and positioning it so that the babies sat securely against Pam.
“Pam, you need to relax,” Sookie instructed.
“Relax!” she shrieked. “Why do I need to relax?”
“You can’t breastfeed when you’re this tense,” Sookie said gently. “Now breathe in deeply, it always helps me when I pet their heads.”
“You treat your children like dogs?” the vampiress questioned after taking a reluctant breath but following the advice regardless by running her fingers through the soft hairs. Pam could scream for joy were she not so tired when the milk finally started flowing freely into her fussy children’s mouths.
“Pam,” Sookie sighed in slight admonishment but the woman in question ignored her as she was blissfully lost in feeding her children for the moment. Instead Sookie continued clearing the room of debris and soiled diapers till the first two had their fill.
“This really isn’t fair,” Pam complained when Sookie helped her exchange one set of babies for another. “I’m clearly missing four extra sets of tits.”
“Ludwig said your vampire nature will replenish your milk supplies quicker than a human’s so count yourself lucky, Pam,” Sookie scolded. “What happened to Niall and Isolde?”
“Some faery realm emergency,” Pam complained. “And the Elfling had to go.”
“You fired Isolde?” The ire on Sookie’s face was quite apparent and Pam instantly dropped fang with an accompanying growl, making clear not to threaten her among her young.
“She was leering at Niall,” she defended petulantly.
“That’s preposterous! She has no interest in Niall! Besides, as if the man has eyes for anyone but you!” Sookie disputed. “I’m calling Dr Ludwig and getting her back; I wouldn’t have made it through those first few weeks without her. You won’t either!”
“Fine,” Pam grumbled with some resignation.
The children suddenly all buzzed to life startling Sookie and Pam before Niall popped into the room with a rather impressive wrapped and bound present for his fiancé held up by Preston.
“Precious,” Niall greeted Pam on the lips before sharing a smidgen of his light with each of his newly born children. “I brought you a present.”
“I can see that,” she spoke with a particular deep longing and satisfaction as her eyes raked over the intricate wrapping and large bow. “What brought this on?”
“Well, someone mentioned they could drain a bitch,” he returned with a knowing wink.
Sookie’s eyes went wide with the sudden recognition of the gagged fairy, “Mab?”
A/N: On the names; thanks for the suggestions, safe to say I agreed with Niall on the use of designer names. I did, however, like the idea of naming Mini-Pam after her mommy’s Maker, though I preferred Erin over Erica and that tied in with the Gaelic boy’s names as Erin is the anglicised Éire meaning Ireland.
The boys I named after the sons of ‘Niall of the Nine Hostages’, an important Irish King, except for Taranis who was named after Tara though I suspect like Princess Pinnie the boys will go by their middle names. They came from my love of autocorrect (see my one shot Coldfinger why) as Niall often comes up as Naill in the comment section, which ever since Niall has been ‘nailing’ Pam has amused me a little too much. So the middle names are all synonyms for the word nail or a specific type of nail. Spike was in honour of the beta work MsBuffy puts in on these and to frame a Christmas fic I promised her though I am still highly reluctant to write no matter how much virtual alcohol she sends my way 😉
Special thanks to MsBuffy for her betaing skills again.
Bonfire of the Vanities chapter 18 is here.