Amended disclaimer: the character of Spike and any of his recognisable dialogue belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox. I just like to toss him in among the mix, no financial gains and all the rest of it to prove my continued innocence.
“Pam! Why are there unicorns in the hallway?”
“Ask Willa?” she shrugged with a feigned innocence that had little effect while she continued to fuss with Pinnie’s hair.
“Willa put them in the stables!” Sookie shrieked. “This has you written all over it!” To further demonstrate her point Sookie held up the wide and very pink bristle brush full of white horse hairs. Pam ignored her and sped away before the part-fairy erupted further at the possible cost of her hair. Sookie sighed before she unsuccessfully tried to lead the two animals out the door by their reins.
“Whoa, Luv,” came the startled reply from the man standing on the porch as he gently patted the horse-like creature to a halt. “Might poke someone’s eyes out with that.”
“Oh my gosh,” Sookie stuttered as her Southern manners kicked in. “I’m so sorry! You must be William! Please excuse the unicorns.”
“Only one that gets to call me William, ducks,” he smiled melancholically, though he was soon looking a little bemused at her outstretched arm that hung waiting in greeting. “Sookie, yeah?” Spike deduced taking in her small hand, still unaccustomed at the warm greeting on her face that seemed devoid of the usual prejudice flung his way.
“Of course, Spike!” Sookie corrected with a fluster as he observed the small blonde that had ensnared the notorious Northman as no other ever had. Frankly he was slightly unimpressed considering the beauties the Viking always had dangling around him, waiting to capture his notice.
“Is al’ right, pet.”
“I am no pet!” Sookie exclaimed with fire in her eyes making the platinum haired vampire instantly understand the attraction for the feisty fairy.
“Term of endearment, luv,” he said with his hands up in a display of defeat and no harm intended. “Meant no offense.”
“Offense taken,” the Nordic threat behind her growled out appearing out of nowhere. “She’s not your love.”
“`Ello to you too Vicky,” he chuckled while the tempestuous little blonde swatted the giant vampire and put him in his place while hissing his name. “Finally found someone to teach that savage arse of yours some manners then?”
“Where are our manners?” Sookie said apologetically becoming flustered all over again with the thought that they were making such a bad impression on one of Pam’s oldest friends. “Please come in.”
“Thanks, luv,” Spike grinned, waggling his eyebrows along suggestively to drive up the temper of the already testy, otherwise stoic Northman.
“Pam’s been excited about your visit for days,” Sookie prattled on as she led him to the large living room. Eric didn’t fail to possessively fall in step behind her keeping a healthy distance between her and Spike. “Or nights, I mean.”
“Pammy’s excited?” he asked sceptically. “Cor, motherhood does change a person then.”
“Well,” Sookie frowned with some thought before opening the double set of doors. “As excited as Pam can get.”
“Spike!” Pam greeted as her tightly held lips crept up slightly with the sudden sighting.
“How are you, dove?” he greeted with a kiss to her forehead. “Still getting in all sorts of trouble then,” Spike hinted with a nudge gesturing towards the little girl in her lap.
“Don’t ask,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Meet Pinnie.”
“`Ello there Pins,” he greeted, taking the offered girl into his arms with a gentle care. “Look just like your mum when she were a lil` bit herself.”
“You knew Pam was she was little?” Sookie asked with surprise as Pinnie began to fuss a little.
“Was a bit of a screamer then, too,” Spike chuckled while nudging Pam with his elbow. “Beaufort and I are second cousins. Right brat you were then, driving them governesses mad.”
“Some things never change,” Sookie muttered forgetting the preternatural ability to hear everything in the room which caused Spike to erupt in laughter while she reddened in shame muttering apologies and belatedly offering a round of drinks in distraction.
“See why Vicky likes you, luv,” Spike grinned widely at the telepath causing Eric to twitch with further irritation. “Good fun you are. Got any pig’s blood?”
“Erm,” Sookie frowned as her brows knitted together before shooting an accusatory glare at Pam for not informing her to procure the special product for their guest. “Only the New Blood, though I’m sure we can get you some,” she offered apologetically.
“No worries, I’ll have whatever you got, Sunshine,” Spike returned before Pinnie called to his attention again. “Pamela, luv, where are the rest of the bits? Did you eat them all already?”
“They’re all getting a bath with Niall and the nurse,” Pam answered with a roll of her eyes. “Pinnie refuses to bathe with anyone else.”
“Wonder who she got that from?” he winked at Sookie who was just getting up to organise the drinks. She snickered softly enjoying the unusual vampire’s sense of humour at Pam’s expense and Spike joined in with a chuckle at the dual sound of mother and daughter’s indignant huffs. Not one to enjoy the shared levity or Spike’s unconcealed interest in his Sookie, Eric instantly pulled her into his lap and closed his wide arms around her as she futilely tried to remove herself from his iron grip while hissing his name with vexation.
“Your girl needs to breathe now and then, ‘Ric,” Spike taunted before he curled the back of his tongue to his teeth while cocking a single brow letting the Viking vampire know he was quite enjoying the view up Sookie’s skirt during their little struggle. Eric could only think to growl out protectively at his overt ogling when he caught sight of it.
“You woke Eva!” Sookie grit out in warning causing everyone but Spike to widen the whites of their eyes. Pam fretfully patted the crown of her head in fear of finding her newly grown hair missing again.
“Who’s Eva? Demon?” Spike questioned aloud.
“Eric’s daughter with Sookie,” Pam informed as the two sped away to gather the infant and her brother from their room before any damage could be done. “She’s got her mother’s temper, her father’s strength and instinct, and a protective brother to back her up. Killed Compton when she was a few days old.”
“Bloody hell,” Spike said, thoroughly impressed. He had hated the surly vampire as much as Pam but it was only because of the close relationship between Lorena and Drusilla that he never got the chance to take out the surly vampire himself. “A real kitten with claws. Think she’d like to meet Peaches?”
“She mostly burns off hair these days,” Pam shrugged while fingering the tightly gelled curls of her distant relative. “Wouldn’t mind if she took a zap to yours though. Please let me fix this mess.”
“Oy, Woman! Off!” he hissed while swatting away the interfering hand. “`M not your minion to do with what you please. I like my hair.”
“Please, Spike?” she pleaded with a pout, one that she had practiced since childhood and had the ponce, William, the Bloody Awful Poet, succumbing instantly to her every request. “I don’t want to explain to my children who that relic from the eighties is when I show them the wedding pictures once they’re older.”
“Eighties? This is timeless, lil` bitch,” he countered with outrage. “Besides, I don’t show up in pictures like you lot on account of the mirror thingies in the camera.”
“Digital age, Spike,” Pam said with exasperation. “Been living under a rock again?”
“Beats being Mrs. Stepford,” he pointed out as they both reverted to their childish standoffs from well over a century ago.
“Future Mrs. Brigant actually,” Niall informed coolly as he entered the room with Isolde and the four boys.
“`Pologies mate, Pammy here brings out the kid in me,” Spike spoke up and quickly came to stand with Pinnie. He finally remembered his upper class upbringing from his human days as the mention of the name Brigant set to remind him of the royalty he now found himself among. He gave a small bow at the neck as he nervously awaited for the reigning Prince of the Fae to address him.
Niall couldn’t help but chuckle at the formal display as he placed the two boys in his arm with Pam and set to retrieve Pinnie from Spike whose outstretched arms were now reaching for her doting daddy. “Have a seat, young man,” Niall said while settling himself besides Pam and the rest of their children. “We’re all family here, no need for decorum.”
“Name’s Spike,” he said offering his hand like Sookie had, figuring it was the best way to go.
“You may call me Niall,” he returned shaking his hand.
“Lemme see the rest of the bits then,” Spike addressed Pam as he reverted back to his more congenial self. Pam introduced the near identical boys saving the one who shared his middle name with him till last. However, when the name Lóegaire Spike Brigant was finally announced Spike didn’t react as Pam had expected. Unlike Eric, who had fallen speechless with the honour, Spike held a very confused look and cocked his head to the side as if questioning if she was serious.
“Lóegaire? Bit poncey, isn’t it?” Spike posed while he held the little boy in his lap. His deeply blue eyes found the ones of the infant expressing sympathy. “Poor sod, you are.”
“We call him Leary,” Pam informed, not all too happy with the elaborate first names either. It was why the other boys went by Sprig, Bran, and Tack to everyone but Niall.
“Leary?” Spike exclaimed. “Thas’ even worse! Why not call him Randy? Or just come out righ` and call him Horny Spike! Wait, Spike?”
“Yes,” Pam returned with an amused twinkle to her eyes as she sank back into Niall’s side. “Lóegaire Spike Brigant.”
“The Little to my Big Bad?” he whispered with a bit of awe. “Lil’ Spike.”
“Don’t you dare cry!” Pam warned. Pregnancy hormones had made her especially susceptible to them and Sookie had been known to set her off more than once to Pam’s great embarrassment.
“Don’t listen to mum, lil’ Spike,” he spoke conspiratorially to the child as he held him up in his arms to shield the tears that were gathering at the corner of his eyes. His tone fell significantly low, “Even Big Bads need a good cry now and then. Tell anyone we had this conversation and I’ll bite you.”
When all Little Spike did was giggle excitedly and flailed his arms wildly at the threat, Big Spike’s demon visage came to the forefront with a warning growl which only caused further hilarity as the infant continued to cackle loudly setting of its siblings.
“Vampire here!” Spike exclaimed with irritation as he reverted back to his human face.
“You all right?” Sookie asked softly as she subtly positioned a tissue near him. At the sight he quickly placed Little Spike securely to his lap and wiped away the tears quickly with the sleeves of his leather duster leaving the pristine handkerchief untouched.
“`M fine, Sunshine,” Spike answered with a little more conviction than he had hoped for. Spike wasn’t quite aware that she and the giant Viking had come back into the room, each now holding a child. He blinked a few times to remove any further evidence before taking in the sight of Pam with her brood and Eric’s ‘little’ family standing behind the couch.
“Crikey!” Spike gasped. “You’re like the poster children for the Aryan race, the lot of you! All honey haired and blue eyes.”
Pam fingered his stiff gelled hair once more before she amusedly grinned, “Still so sure about the shade of your hair?” Spike stared a moment longer at the strange ensemble before scratching his nails on his scalp in thought.
“Cause it’s your wedding, Pammy. Do what you like with me hair,” he said with a resigned sigh. “But I better not look anything like Peaches or America’s Most Constipated Vampire!”
Pam grinned with great satisfaction while she looked over her shoulder up at her Maker. “Told you I’d get it done,” she spoke smugly with an upturned hand ready to receive the payment. “Tears and all.” With a bit of a grunt Eric opened his wallet to place the black piece of plastic in her greedy grasp as Niall proceeded to do the same.
“Oy!” Spike exclaimed incensed at the display. “Did you just name the bit lil` Spike so you can unleash those mingy little paws on my luscious platinum locks.”
A rather inelegant snort escaped Pam before answering with a tiny shrug, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Right, you’re back to lil` bitch,” he growled out at Pam before seeking out the only adult eyes that seemed genuinely innocent. They belonged to the blonde telepath who in her attempt to resuscitate her Gran’s ingrained manners stood there with the delayed offering of a warmed New Blood. “Cutie, can I have someone to eat instead?”
A/N: You like Spike? Msbuffy approved and I’m quite fond of the latest shitstirrer. I promised MsBuffy a certain Christmas fic featuring Spike so you have her to thank. Don’t pin me down on canon TB or BTVS, I won’t go into either in this fic and I’ll happily admit defeat ahead of time. For those of you wondering why Spike calls Eric, Vicky. It’s because of a cartoon I used to watch as a kid called Vicky the Viking and Spike is known for giving everyone pet names and I figured calling Eric by a seemingly female name would up the irritation factor 😀 Vicky the Viking clip below.
Special thanks to msbuffy for her betaing skills again.
Bonfire of the Vanities chapter 19 is here.