“Pamela, darling, you have to get the recipe for this,” Niall groaned with delight while the spaghetti flavoured cake was attacked with gusto. “I want this for dessert every night.”
“Niall, we have to go now,” she returned impatiently while gesturing to the white chariot that already contained all their children dozing contentedly. “We have to be on the plane by sunrise.”
“Just one more piece?” he pleaded, eyeing the groom’s cake that only seemed to be touched by him and Jason.
“Fine,” she sighed before gesturing to one of the staff to wrap up the rest of the cake to take along. “Then we leave. Lafayette, you take those cans of my carriage right now! We’re not hillbillies!”
He shrugged and did what he was told while mumbling about their family relations not being too far off, leaving the ‘Just Married Bitches!” sign in place before joining the small crowd that had gathered to wave them off. Soon they would depart to their honeymoon on Eric’s plantation in Barbados, leaving the artificial winter wonderland that was their wedding theme behind.
“You’re the best wife ever,” Niall announced almost incoherently while still digesting the last bites of cake before impatiently waving everyone off and pulling her along into the carriage where she landed with a shriek in his lap. The onlookers only ever saw the flailing legs moving excitedly in the air until the unicorn-pulled carriage disappeared from view.
Jason’s dry mouth mumbled nonsensically, drooling over the pale white chest his head was resting on. His left hand lingered over something soft and cool while a pleasant warmth resided between his splayed out thighs. Narrowed slits opened in fear of morning light but he found the room to be lit only by the faint illumination of a digital clock. He groaned with sudden realisation, but any hasty movement was impended by the pounding in his head. He slowly rolled his head to the middle of a pillow while carefully extracting his hand from Willa’s body who lay to his other side, her ill-fitting bridesmaid dress half off her body.
Taking a deep breath with his squinted eyes he dared peek at his own state of his undress when he carefully lifted the covers up in the relative darkness. He sighed a breath of relief when he saw the familiar sight of his tighty whities underwear. His relief; however, was short-lived as the limited light in the room caught the glint of two eyes between his thighs
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”
“Morning stud,” the tiny doctor greeted with a cluck of her tongue before crawling up his body to reach for the bottle of tequila on the night stand and pouring half the contents into her drinking helmet with matching Viking horns. The movements and Jason’s hoarse shout had woken the two nocturnal creatures beside him as Dr Ludwig continued to sit on Jason’s bare chest gurgling her morning breath away with the alcohol.
“Did we?” Jason winced while gesturing his finger between them.
“No, you fucking prudes!” Ludwig exclaimed while spraying out the alcohol from her mouth with the preposterous thought. “Like I’d have sex with you lot. No offense, but I’m a little out of your league. I only came in here because baby vamp over there thought she was pregnant and you fumbling idiots were too amusing not to watch.”
“I vaguely remember sipping off of Preston,” Willa whispered while she came to with the same fears of what exactly had been so amusing to the doctor.
“Yes,” Ludwig scoffed as she scooted herself off the bed. “And your tiny little brain panicked and thought you were pregnant.”
“Sorry,” she offered sheepishly before Ludwig dismissively waved them away, and with a sour face she put her dark rimmed sunglasses on and popped away. The three remaining bed mates groaned as the angry tire spin of the doctor’s hummer in the gravel drive attacked the weak states of their brain before speeding off in what they assumed was a cloud of dust.
“Bloody hell!” Spike whimpered while stretching his naked body against Jason without much thought, causing him to instantly seek refuge with Willa. “Some party.”
“Did we-?” Willa asked with a discernible wobble in her voice.
“I’m not sure,” Jason answered with equal concern retreating from their close hold instantly. He ran his hand down his tight throat with a hiss. “Which one of you fed on me?”
“I think we both did,” Willa returned shyly as her fingers found another set of fang marks with her superior vision in the dark. Both sets of dark brown eyes found Spike’s blue ones hoping he would give insight. He simply turned his body to light the room with a soft light before meeting the eager sets of wanting eyes.
“Know as much as you lot,” he shrugged before taking a swig from the bottle of booze the doctor left behind. “Think I was more pissed than the two of you combined.”
“We were mad?” Willa pondered aloud while pulling the sheets closer over her body in an attempt to regain her modesty.
“Drunk, Luv,” he grinned in explanation, till he winced in pain when the corner of his mouth came into contact the swelling of a bruised cheek. “Bollocks. Think Vicky got mad at me though.”
“Yes!” Jason said excitedly happy to regain some sort of memory. “I caught you when Eric punched you in the face. You were out cold and Willa helped me carry you here.”
“With Preston!” Willa pitched in cheerfully, happy to uncover some memories of her own.
“Wha` I do this time?” Spike whined while caressing the swollen skin, checking for any further damages.
“I think you danced a little too closely with Sookie,” Willa recalled vaguely while removing an empty champagne bottle from beside her thighs where she prayed upon God that it was the remnants from the bubbly drink that explained the stickiness on her thighs.
“Mmm, sounds like me,” the vampire admitted. “Did I at least ge` a good punch in?”
“Erm.” Jason and Willa exchanged a brief apologetic glance before they answered in unison, “No.”
“Bugger tha`,” Spike complained. “I’ll clock the sod next time I see him.”
“I think I kissed him,” Jason suddenly shrieked.
“Me an` you, Luv?” Spike grinned with a demonstrative eyebrow waggle.
“No! Eric,” he answered with wide eyes remembering the tongue he drove into the father of his sister’s children with no warning while Sookie and Spike danced the night away. “I remember somethin` about him being my soul.”
“YES!” Willa shouted causing them all to cringe with the sudden assault to their ear drums. “You kept saying you had to get your soul back. Then the blonde bit will forgive you. That Eric was your blonde bit.”
“I wasn` talking about some chit named Buffy again, was I?” Spike grumbled and heaved a heavy sigh when their diplomatic silence spoke volumes. “Did I cry?” Again silence reigned, causing Spike to wash away the bitter taste of the morning with the heavy spirit on the side table.
“I think we were all nursing our wounds over something blonde,” Willa offered sympathetically as their eyes met.
“Oh my God!” Jason exclaimed, giddy with excitement. “You two kissed.”
Two sets of eyes widened quickly to deny as much before the memories came flooding back. “Please tell me that’s all we did,” Willa pleaded desperately with her addled brain. “Is this yours?” she asked timidly shoving off the oversized golden band from her thumb and handing it back to him when he nodded. “Think we took our faux engagement a little far last night.”
“Last thing I `member is your lips, Luv,” Spike shrugged, glad to know it was all just play. His eyebrows scrunched in a little looking at Jason. “An` I may have been cupping your balls at the time.”
Fear exploded behind Jason’s eyes as his upper body swung up in shock, only to scream upon sighting his reflection in the mirror. His previous horror was overtaken, not by the fang marks or the red stained lip marks left behind by blood all over his body rather than the traditional lipstick. No, Jason sat in wonder touching what once was his hair. “Why the hell do I look like Spike?”
Willa cried a little with wide eyes as she discovered the bottles of hydrogen peroxide in the bathroom. It wasn’t the champagne that had left her sticky between the thighs after all; she prayed against all odds that her memory was off, but no such relief was found as she peered into her briefs and found her pubic hairs the same platinum shade as Jason’s head. “What the hell is a ‘Spikette’?” she demanded of the word etched in permanent marker on the skin above her mound.
“Hey I’m one too,” Jason said gruffly as he took in the inked tramp stamp on his lower back while taking in a closer inspection of his marked body in the mirror.
“Guess you two are mine now, bitches,” Spike grinned as the sheet on his body fell perilously close to revealing all of his nudity in the dimly lit room. When the two dumbfounded faces appeared to be descending into absolute horror and little whimpers were becoming a prelude to breakdowns, Spike finally relented. “Relax you gits, nothin` happened.”
“Nothing?” Willa whispered. “Except the kiss.”
“We had a bit of a snog,” he shrugged with the authority of someone who had found all his memories again. “It was innocent in comparison to the one the lil` doctor an` I shared. Now le`s get some kip and later today we’ll sort out your hairs in Pam’s lil` salon.”
“Promise we’ll never speak of this again,” Willa requested softly of them both when they settled back into bed again.
“Whatever you want, Luv,” Spike agreed, not all too fond to relive every event of the night either.
Jason looked a little sullen at the prospect until, like a puppy he found his own waggling tail to cheer him up again. “You think there’s any of that spaghetti cake left?”
“Is everybody gone?” Sookie whispered when she joined Eric in the living room, freshly woken from a restful sleep. It was already well past dawn and she marvelled at the small spread of breakfast he had attempted to cook for her.
“Finally have the house to ourselves now,” he murmured contentedly before kissing her softly and guiding her to sit on his lap while he fed her the unusual array of breakfast foods. It was more an assortment of her favoured foods, most were still the strange concoctions her pregnant body had craved but she was touched by the effort he had put into it.
“This is nice,” she smiled while he played with the silk sash of her robe. “Just us.”
He hummed contentedly in return of the house being filled with their small family while she daintily dabbed the corners of her mouth with the cloth napkin. “I need your help.”
“With what?” she questioned as her arms moved around his neck. “Thank you for breakfast,” Sookie smiled against his lips before losing them both in a deepened kiss.
“Picking out a colour,” he finally managed to answer when he stood up and picked her up as if he were carrying her over a threshold. With less haste and practice he managed to set her down unharmed in the study where his large desk was covered in floor plans and elevations.
“I’m building this, to go at the end of the property, on the hill,” he explained showing the approximate location near the old Stackhouse homestead making it appear like a guesthouse in comparison to the newly planned building. “Now I can’t decide whether to go with this,” Eric said holding up a very bright pink paint swatch, “or this,” he finished with a muted yellow in his other hand.
“I think I like it in white,” Sookie returned with confusion while she gestured towards the renderings of the finished home.
“Sookie,” he growled impatiently. “I am asking if you if you prefer it for you,” he demanded holding up the yellow swatch again before exchanging it for the pink, “or for Pam.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed with a bright smile. “Definitely yellow!”
“You like it then?” Eric said with a self-satisfied smirk.
“It looks like Russell’s house,” she observed after going through the floor plans with a less superficial glance than before. Indeed Eric had instructed the architect to take the same inspiration from Palladio’s Villa Rotunda which Russell’s mansion was clearly modelled after.
“Some old CCTV footage from Fangtasia informed me you like that house.”
“I do. Almost traded your life and Bill’s for it,” she finished with an innocently teasing wink. “Won’t it be too big?”
“I thought we agreed we could use the extra room soon,” Eric countered as his hands traced over her now flattened stomach.
“So soon?” she whispered against his lips.
“It’ll be ready by Thanksgiving.”
“That’s nine months from now,” Sookie returned with confusion.
His eyebrows rose with a knowing look while hands sought out the bare flesh hidden underneath her robe. “Exactly.”
A/N: Thank you all for coming on this crazy and sometimes downright insane ride with me and of course your conviction that the Niall/Pam ship was one to happily board in the end when I clearly had other thought on the matter. Thank you for the encouragement and excitement on this story that was only supposed to be a few chapters long… I hope you all enjoyed the conclusion of the epilogue, that it finally washed away the bitter aftertaste of that finale in the process, and I’ll miss writing Spike and Crazy Niall but I’m sure they’ll pop up now and then even if it is just in a sporadic outtake.
A very special thanks to MsBuffy who edited through these fixin’s like a pro (which she is in every sense of the word and I’m still slightly fearful of the bill I’m expecting to come my way 🙂 ). I don’t think I would have made this far and with my sanity intact had she not helped me out with the workload I had shifted on to myself. I looked it up today, I wrote nearly 90,000 words for the fixin’s series including the outtakes in the three months since the series finale aired alongside my other WIPs but apart from a few fretful moments I enjoyed penning this story all along for its preposterousness and outlandish storylines and I’m surely going to miss this crazy family and the kids and I don’t think I can ever look at spaghetti ever the same.
MsBuffy has also been kind enough to go over the earlier chapters before she came on board to Beta because I know at the speed these were churned out mistakes were left to linger. As soon as I get them back (and I stressed she take her merry time with them) I will be putting up a .pdf and .epub version under the download section for those who would like a bundled copy to keep.
Last but not least the intrusion of Spike was appreciated by most though some had to catch on who exactly he was. So for the love of Spike (and his Buffy) enjoy the video below that I found while doing some research for his character. Whether just to remember them or if you’re contemplating watching the series, if this won’t turn you into a Spuffy loving ally I don’t know what will, but tell me what you thought of this ending before you press that play button 😉
Bonfire of the Vanities chapter 20 is here.