Chapter 1 – Wrong Side of the Bed



A/N: So my muse tends to be activated by visuals, usually at random when searching for pics for banners. I come across some weird stuff… stuff I wish I could erase from my brain but I find little gems now and then too, like pictures of Eric Northman in his underwear awkwardly holding a child in his arms. Apparently there’s people who role play with True Blood characters in some simulation game (who am I to judge I do the same with words…) so this little giffy had my face cracking into an amused smile and it got me thinking this level of uncomfortable should have been the general reaction of Eric to a child which got me thinking of the Fixin’s family and an idea was born on how an Eric before his bout of amnesia would react to sudden fatherhood. Throw in a dash of patented ‘ordinary magic’ and a little side tale was born.




As a reminder, this is post Meet Me Under the Stars which was around Christmas time where Sookie was pregnant with a new batch of babies. They have since been born and are a few weeks old and in case this has become a lost detail from EAM; as a wedding present Niall gave Pam Mab to use as her catalyst to synthesise a special reserve of NuBlood that allows them all to walk in the sun without damage.

Since the winters are long and cold Northern Europe tends to have a long standing reverence for the light of summer and in particular the longest day of the year (Summer Solstice) the celebrating dates vary but I tend to stick to the actual date of June 21st and it served as a great vehicle for the telling of this story since the outtakes so far are holiday centric.   




He froze, an odd thing to do for a vampire who had only just emerged from his day rest, and at full alert he took in the strange surroundings, certain he had never been here before. Eric didn’t quite know how he had arrived here which concerned him greatly even though it all seemed benign. The decor seemed in accordance with his tastes, albeit slightly more feminine. He relaxed momentarily before a jolt of terror ran through his system while his muscles slowly reanimated and he sensed a very warm presence against him. Multiple scenarios ran through his mind of how he could have allowed this to happen, never had he woken with a human by his side. That was simply asking to be staked. He hadn’t awoken with anybody beside him in decades; Godric on occasion, Pam only when there was no other choice, but he had never been this careless with his own safety.


His eyes bulged when the scent suddenly filled his nostrils. Sookie.


Well, she always had been the exception to the rule, but he wracked his brain on how the hell he could have forgotten the previous night, the night she finally succumbed to him. The vaguest recollection he had was of her anger at the revelation that he was her new landlord. She seemed anything but pliable, certainly not anything like this, wantonly rubbing her backside up against him in semi-consciousness.


His dick; however, was less concerned with the how and why and simply wanted in.


Fuck it. He shrugged. No wait, fuck her.


“Mmmm, Eric, not now.”


Fuck no. Yes, now!


“Eric, stop, you know we can’t.”


“Why?” he asked, unsure actually why he bothered while continuing to ignore her protest by finally getting his hands on her with a greedy persistence, cupping breasts and revealing that so desired bare skin.


“Your daughter is about to barrel in here,” she mumbled while moving further away from him.


“Pam can go fuck herself,” he growled into her ear, having closed the gained distance between them in less than a second. “Want. You. Now.”


“They already caught us once,” she hissed, removing herself from the bed with an angry huff and suddenly that anger assaulted his system causing him to release a very human gasp.


“We bonded?”


Sookie turned around from her position by the bathroom door, wondering what his internal confusion was regarding. “You feeling okay?” she asked with a worried look. “You look different.”


That’s when he noticed she looked different. A little rounder, softer, something he had no complaints about, especially the extra weight on top. Still beautiful, yet strangely no older than when he last saw her, but definitely different.


“I’m fine,” he mumbled, not willing to reveal a thing till he knew exactly where and how he came to be here. His dick was just going to have to behave, unfortunately.


“Remember you promised to put the Maypole up before noon, and the kids will be disappointed if they have to wait. You know how they are,” she tossed over her shoulder before closing the door on him.


No, I really don’t. Fuck, did she say noon? Does she think I’m suicidal?


He stared with wonder at the framed pictures of him and Sookie on the fireplace mantle, gaping at an assortment of blonde and bright-eyed kids. He was holding up one of the larger pictures that seemed to have them all tackling Sookie’s brother to the ground. He smirked at the sight. Guess the women of Hotshot decided to put in a bid for child support. Not like he could fight that claim, even without a DNA test he’s clearly their father. …Is that Spike?




Before the small projectile could collide into him, he had the unidentified object up in the air by her pink clad ankles, shrieking as if her life depended on it.




“Your daughter!” she giggled from her inverted position.


“No, you’re not!”


“Pinnie, stop teasing your Uncle Eric,” Sookie admonished through the closed bathroom door. “You know he can smell a mile away you’re not his!”


“Lemme down!” she squirmed in his hold. With a shrug, he released his hold to watch the small girl collapse to the ground head first, screaming in agony with the sudden thud onto the plush, carpeted floor.


His nostrils flared again with the sudden scent of her blood that trickled out of a scraped knee as the wound reopened due to the impact to the floor. Why the fuck does she smell of Pam? His thumbs pulled the crying girl’s lips apart, not caring for the further agony caused, and thinking only of all the punishments he would unleash on his unruly Childe for turning a teacup. He sighed with relief when he failed to find a set of fangs while she pounded her tiny fists at him. He was about to grab her and shake some sense into the unruly little girl when she suddenly popped out of his grasp.


“Eric, what the hell is wrong with you?” Sookie screamed with the sudden delivery of an extremely upset child in her arms as the rush of events were projected into her mind. She glared fiercely at him after throwing open the door with a bang. He couldn’t help but be turned on; his dick rising with all the red on display, causing him to shift uncomfortably in sleep pants he never wore for a God Damn reason. What the fuck was that about? When she caught onto his arousal, her already red face almost exploded. “How could you?” she screamed with hurt and accusation.


“That’s not Pappa,” a little boy he hadn’t noticed before shyly stammered with a nervous peek into the room. Another girl, looking the mirror image of the one he just dropped, with fat wet tears running down her cheeks tightly held the boy’s hand, and when she stared up at the man who looked like her father, she held the most condemning face he had ever witnessed. He didn’t have much time to contemplate why the disapproval on those two little faces had such an impact on him seeing as instead he was thrust harshly into the wall by Pam.


“What the FUCK did you do to my daughter?” she growled.


“Mommy said the F-word,” Pinnie snickered, having already recovered from the worst of her trauma in Sookie’s soothing arms.


Mommy? I repeat, what the fuck? I have officially arrived in the Twilight Zone.


“Don’t you dare tell your father!” she exclaimed nervously to the little girl whose grin instantly widened with a maliciousness that put her mother to shame.


Father? Pam and Jason? Actual kids?


“What do I get?” Pinnie demanded, holding herself in the exact determined stance he had witnessed Pam take in countless business negotiations.


“What do you want?” she asked with an exasperated sigh.


“Pam-,” Sookie started.


“Can it, Stackhouse,” she growled. “You raise your kids the way you want, you respect the way I raise mine.”


Who the fuck impregnated my Sookie? The fucker better be dead, or he will be soon.


“Bribing, really, Pam?” Sookie questioned with heavy dose of disapproval.


She shrugged. “Kid gets better deals from our suppliers than this one ever did,” Pam said, pointing at her Maker who still remained in her choke hold, leaving him to wonder when she got to be so strong.


“I’ll get you that vampire Barbie,” Pam conceded while tightening her grip around Eric. A malicious smile appeared on her face as it directed itself to him. “Take your Uncle Eric’s credit card.”


“Yay!” Pinnie squealed with excitement before popping out of Sookie arms to drag her cousins away from the wreckage scene. Content with knowing the kids were far enough away, Pam unleashed every pent-up curse word in every single language she ever learned while he helplessly looked at Sookie who was unwilling to lend him any sympathy. What the fuck was wrong with this picture?


“Pam, I think that’s enough,” Sookie soothed when she noticed blood red tears start to leak from the corners of her eyes, anger flaring over in upset.


“How could you, Eric?” she sobbed. “Of all people, why would you harm my daughter?”


Sookie still held her stern face of disapproval while he stammered to come up with an adequate response. Why is Pam crying? Pam doesn’t cry, and why can’t I feel my tie to her?


“She caught me by surprise?” he offered sheepishly


“You dropped her!” Sookie yelled. “On purpose!”




“It was an accident?” he replied impishly in a way that choice truth revealed it was a blatant lie that failed to convince two women who knew him all too well.


“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, Eric, but you better get your head out of your ass or you’ll be sleeping on the couch for the next decade!” Sookie scolded before guiding Pam out of the room, letting her lean on her shoulder as they shuffled out.


“I don’t know who you are anymore, Eric,” Pam said between clenched teeth before exiting the room, “but I do know I don’t want you anywhere near my children, ever again!”


“Come on,” Sookie whispered sympathetically before tossing another angry glare his way.




The disapproval hit him like a ton of bricks through the bond, the impact so great his recently recovered upright position was lost, and he fell with a thud back to the floor.


“She fucking attacked me first,” he grumbled while getting up and rubbing at his throat, but they both ignored him. “Women.”


He decided to take another look at all the pictures, trying to make sense of it all. He ran his tongue along his gums, wondering if he was even a vampire in this scenario. That would make sense.


“Fangs,” he confirmed to himself as they sheathed into place, forcing him to discredit the theory with a slight hint of disappointment.


“Who are you?”


Something I’d like to know as well.


Eric’s eyebrow quirked in response, unwilling to give an answer. “Who are you?”


“Viggo Northman, but you, I mean Pappa, calls me Vigi.”


The voice was small, smaller than it needed to be for a boy his age. It was the same one who had recognised him as a fraud while the adults had continued on in their ignorance. He looked him over carefully only now seeing the similarities, “You’re my son?”


“I’m Eric Northman’s son,” he replied with a set jaw Eric himself had sported on many Fangtasia promotional images, making all doubts of paternity dissipate in an instant.


“Can you tell me about him?” Eric asked, patting his knee, and inviting the boy to come to him before clarifying, “Your father?” Viggo bit at his bottom lip momentarily the way he’d often see Sookie do before coming to sit in his lap with a visible apprehension. Ours then.


“He’s my best friend,” he whispered while looking at the ground. “Where did he go?”


“I don’t know,” Eric confessed, feeling some remorse for the first time. Fucking Sookie was still his primary objective, but he did feel bad for the child who was suddenly without his father. “We’ll try to figure this out okay, so you can have your father back.” After I fuck Sookie.


“Ok,” he whispered.


“Now until I figure this out, you have to tell me how your Pappa would act so we don’t upset everybody else.”


Viggo nodded before he very precisely started to regale exactly how this other Eric would behave.


“I have to do what?” he demanded incredulously. What kind of pussy was this Eric Northman?


The little boy furrowed his brows wondering if he hadn’t pronounced something properly. So for clarity’s sake he repeated the last sentence again, “You have to get down on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness.”


Fuck no.



A/N: So whadya think? Still got some love for this family? More soon!

Much love to msbuffy for her quick turnaround on this, she deserves all the sunshine she gets!


25 thoughts on “Chapter 1 – Wrong Side of the Bed

  1. Poor Pinnie, though she seemed to recover quickly. He should know better than to drop a child like that no matter what she says. The story is cute though. At lease Eric has Viggo to guide him, if he’ll listen. Wrong side of the bed indeed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You know, you don’t see too many 1000-year-old vampires hanging out at the parks, science centers, zoos, or preschools, at least not where my grandkids are! So I’m not too sure that Eric would remember much about kids after all that time. I’ll keep looking for him though! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. OK, both Eric & me are in the Twilight Zone… I’ve got it all figured out now! The others will returned shortly! What a week! I totally forgot about the Christmas story! I think that’s why I was confused.
    I love these little peeks into their lives. You know we’ll never let you stop writing about this family you created, right? So, I don’t think little Pinnie is any worse for the wear for being dropped; she seemed pretty happy to be getting the Barbie version of her Mommy out of it… Poor little Viggi makes me want to hug him! Now I want to read the next one to see what else I don’t remember…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Pinnie is a professional ‘boohoo is me’ (I swear no Bill genes were injected!) so she can guilt everyone to get her everything… crap this sounds mildly familiar… she’s nothing like me I swear!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pinnie is definitely a mini Pam! Hilarious, a really good take on how pre-amnesia Eric would react to waking up with his family! You crack me up. If you’ve ever watched Friends you’ll know it’s equally hilarious anticipating Chandler’s remarks, that’s exactly how I feel about what’s coming next!


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