Thanksgiving Fixin’s 11-13






“Give it back you giant freak!” she wheezed out with her effort to regain the controller.


“No,” he taunted while holding the object of her desire from her with his height advantage.


“Please?” she asked batting her eyelashes that had him weak at the knees with the sight.


“How about a trade?” Eric leered with a flicker of his tongue across his top lip.


“I’m not showing you my boobs asshole!”


“No need,” he grinned lasciviously. “I already have quite the view from above.”


Sookie gasped in horror as her hands desperately clambered to obstruct the enticing sight and retain the dignity her grandmother had always instilled in her. “What do you wanna trade then? Because I’m piss poor.”


“A kiss.”




“Why not?” he asked as a finger trailed over the bare expanse of her skin. “You know it would be good.”


“You know why,” she returned pointedly.


“You had no objections when it was on the screen.”


“That was different,” Sookie replied shyly.




“It just is ok,” she pouted. “Just give it back please? Why do you always have to make the sheriff all evil anyway?”


“Because I’m the Big Bad,” he exclaimed with glee.


“Wrong show, Eric.”


“We’re both fucking blonde and we’re both evil so who cares,” Eric teased back.


“You’re not evil,” she denied. “You just pretend to be.”


“What do you know about it,” he returned defensively not all too happy with the change of tone.


“I used to think you were made of cold hard stone, Eric Northman,” Sookie said with soft eyes that always seemed to haunt him in his dreams. “You feel.”


He gave a derisive snort in an attempt to deny her statement but finally gave in and handed the game controller back to her, though still reluctant to let go. “I’ll give it back if you promise to kill Bill,” he proposed with his hands still firmly in control of the device. “I’ll even give you my stake since you used yours up on killing that Warlow.”


“No!” she exclaimed incensed. “I like him he’s noble and sweet. And so human, they’re supposed to end up together.”


“Right,” Eric expressed sternly, the thought disgusting him thoroughly. “I’m crushing this controller because that’s not how it’s supposed to end.” There was no way he was going to allow the Sookie character to end up with the fucktard they had named after the spine-chilling neighbour from across the street. Eric had caught the perverted asshole sneaking a peek over the fence whenever Sookie sunbathed in the backyard more than once. Granted Eric did much of the same but at least they resided in the same age bracket.


“No!” Sookie shrieked with the thought of Eric’s real threat in destroying the controller. “I’ll give you a peck.”


“And no more Billshit.”


“Fine,” she huffed before brushing his cheeks quickly with her trembling lips. “But you stay away from that Sylvie.”


“She’s dead already,” he shrugged without a hint of remorse. “Like I’d let those Yakuza fucks kill my fuck awesome sidekick Pam.”


“You think my brother and your sister are doing the same thing as us?” Sookie pondered aloud.


“Play this retarded game? Fuck no, if I know my sister she’s directing your brother to the finest carpets Sweden has to offer while offering expert tips on how to munch away at them.”


“Eric!” she cried out as her cheeks tinted a bright red with the mere idea.


His head turned to the side taking in the enticing sight. “Now if you let me have a go on you, that would be exactly what you’d be screaming. Why don’t you just allow me to uncover that rug,” he leered while his hand trailed over the bare skin of her thighs.


“You’re gross,” she squawked out unconvincingly as her body flushed with further embarrassment but somewhere she found her wits to hijack his controller. “Ha,” she yelled in triumph. “Now you have Hep-V!”


“For fuck’s sake… Thanks a lot Sookie!” Eric growled out with annoyance as he grasped his controller back. “Fucking hell, I’m paralyzed for months.”


“Just play with the Pam character,” Sookie encouraged. “Do you have to keep using the f-word?”


“Unless you’re offering the act, yes.”


“You’re so gross.”


“Only for Sookie,” he said throatily while caressing the small of her back.


“Stop!” she returned unconvincingly. “You’re distracting me… No! Alcide!”


“Well that solves that problem,” Eric returned dryly as he tossed over a doggy treat to the white husky in the corner of the room carrying the same name. “How long do we have to play this game?” he moaned. “We both know how this ends.”


“And how’s that?” she asked while her tongue darted out in renewed concentration.


“You, me, a great big bed where you happily writhe underneath me as I initiate you into ecstasy,” he intoned evenly before transforming his voice to a particularly high pitched version as his own hands exaggeratedly caressed his body, “Oh! Eric!”


“HUSH!” Sookie squealed out wile clamping her hand over his mouth to which his tongue immediately ran out to lick at her fingers sensuously. “ERIC!”


“Yes, exactly like that,” he taunted while she fought his wondering hands off.


“No! Now I have Hep-V too!”


“Ha ha! You’re going to infect Bill!”


“No,” Sookie pouted. “How are they going to have their happily ever after?”


“Call in the fairy prince. He’ll do anything for spaghetti.”


“I want to start over Eric,” she whined. “And this time I get to pick the names. My first love can’t be Creepy Compton from across the street. There’s no way they can live happily Hep-V ever after, plus I accidentally killed Alcide. I kinda liked him…”


“Here,” Eric sighed while taking the controller and pulling up her inventory screen. “Look you still have plenty of boosters and that supernova.”


“But Hep-V”


“I’ll find the cure with Pam. Look she already found me in some wine cellar,” he offered hoping to finish the game as soon as possible. “I need it for the Viking too.”


“Ok,” Sookie agreed half-heartedly. “But what do I do about Arlene, Holly and Jane Bodehouse?”


“I’ll come and help you.”


“Thanks,” she smiled with a sideways glance. “Hey Eric, you want a drink?”


“Sure,” he replied and as soon as her back was turned he un-paused the game and rapidly set his fingers to work to Sookie’s controller.


“Eric! What did you do?” Sookie said horrified as she returned with the tray of drinks.


“Come on we look good together,” he said smugly as the Sookie and Eric characters were reunited on screen. “Look all your hearts are fully filled.”


“Stop it,” she admonished retaking her controller. “Just help me save these people from Bon Temps, otherwise I won’t make it to the next level.”


“Fine,” he sighed with a hint of dejection. “Fucking Bill. Why does he get to knock down the door? Asshole.”


“Be nice.”


“Aren’t I always nice?” he mocked. “Look what we can achieve if we work together. You only seem to get everyone killed with that douchey Bill.”


“It’s not his fault he had a terrible maker.” Eric merely scoffed at that as she continued to ignore his disgruntled demeanour. “Darnit Arlene, don’t give up on me. I’m not gonna make this level if you don’t live.”


“Whatever you want Willa, there you’re released. I only turned you for the maker points.”


“You’re such a cold hearted bastard.”


“Cold hearted bastard who now knows exactly where to find Sarah Newlin,” he returned triumphantly.




“Shit the fucking Yakuza again,” Eric groaned. “I thought we were done with those fuckers.”


“They’re after Sarah Newlin too?” Sookie asked momentarily distracted from her own play on the split screen.


“Hey they’re my new allies! Look I’m cured!”


“Oh my God!” Sookie cried out and without a thought hugged him tight, his leering appraisal had her instantly letting go. Her embarrassment became apparent as she mumbled a sorry while pulling away.


“Niall totally wasted my time,” she muttered trying to distract from the awkwardness she had created.


“Bring Bill to me, then we can get him cured,” Eric instructed. “No! You need to sneak him in. Why would you come on your own through the front door?”


“You said to go to Fangtasia,” she replied testily. “Hey I’m no fangbanger Mr Gus!”


“Really?” Eric questioned with a quirked brow.


“Two vampires does not a fangbanger make.”


“Three including Warlow.”


“That was a bonus level. Besides he was a faepire so it so doesn’t count,” she tried to justify.


“If you say so.”


“Argh!” Sookie exclaimed pushing at all the different buttons with frustration. “Bill won’t drink the cure.”


“Let me try.”


“You slapped him!” she shrieked. “Give it back!”


“Change to the Jessica character. Anything?”


“No she can only be released.”


“That’s not right she’s already been released,” Eric scrutinised.


“You think it’s a glitch in the game?”


“Try it. Releasing Willa gave me shit ton of extra bonus points.”


“Ok,” Sookie returned. “Nothing.”


“Strange,” Eric mused taking in her side of the screen. “Fuck not again! Pam you are the worst child ever! How many times are you going to let little Japanese men catch you! Sorry Sookie expect an upcoming visit from the Japanese.”


“I can’t have that. I’m trying to save Bill!”


“Leave him to die, he doesn’t want to be saved.”




“Here,” he said in offering after a quick succession of moves she couldn’t follow. “Look he’s going to ‘call’ on you. Now just let my character fly you home so we can finish up this level.”


“Hey that looks like fun,” she smiled.


“Told you we’re good together. Let’s just finish the game here.”


“I want to finish the final level,” Sookie moaned while jutting out her bottom lip that made him give in to her every demand.


“Fine,” he sighed. Again. “Just click through the Bill dialogues if you let him ramble on like that he’s just going to turn to goo out of sheer self-importance.”


“I like his accent.”


Eric could only roll his eyes at her moon eyed gaze for the annoying Civil War veteran as he speedily ran through his final level. “Ha! Take that Yakuza, New Blood is mine!”


“Hey, you won.”


He merely shrugged as they watched the Viking sheriff happily bop his head on screen.


“Bill wants me to kill him with my fairy light,” Sookie voiced with confusion.


“Just stake the bastard,” Eric proposed in exasperation as his lanky form fell to the back of the sofa.


“No that’s not very loving. Maybe my fairy light will make him human.”


“Whatever, just get it done. I’m so over this game.”


“Eric I can’t. I’ll lose all my fairy points.”


“Use the shovel!” he said pointing to the item onscreen.


“I don’t want to do this,” Sookie whimpered as her eyes were becoming wet with tears after she fashioned a stake out of the shovel.


“You want me to do it?” Eric asked softly his hands reaching tentatively over hers on the controller.


“No,” she returned moving her hands away from his. “I’ll do it.” Her eyes squeezed shut tightly as she pressed the button that turned Bill into a satisfying splat. “What the fuck? Game Over? But I did everything they asked. I saved Bill.”


“Told you, Sookie needs to end up with Eric.”


“That can’t be right,” she whispered as her bottom lip threatened to quiver with oncoming tears. He moved in closer gently, his arms surrounding hers as he released her tight grip on the controller while his face encroached to hers. “Eric what are you doing?”


“Getting the right ending,” he breathed out against her lips.


“Stop playing,” Sookie protested meekly moving her body away from him into the soft couch but his body only followed hers in her futile attempt to escape, his approach effectively caging her in.


“I’m not playing,” he said leaning in for a kiss but leaving her to close the final gap.


“I thought you were just playing me. Like everyone else.”


“I’m not. You’re the only one I don’t want to play with,” Eric spoke throatily and when the tip of her tongue jutted out to wet her lips in anticipation he moved in claiming her lips as his own. Slowly but steadily she let him in and what started chaste deepened as tongues explored the feel of one another in a soft embrace while a hardened groin started to seek a welcoming centre between her thighs, moving them both to a steady rising heat.


“Oh my gosh,” she whispered with a smile that rivalled his as they both sought out air, neither one all too fond of the distance between their mouths. His lips continued to trail down her throat as her eyes travelled up with the sheer sensation. “Oh my God!” Sookie shrieked as she caught sight of Creepy Compton rubbing away furiously at the pathetic piece of flesh dangling between his legs as he hid behind the glass of the bay window, holding what could only be described as a constipated expression.




“Mr. Compton!”


Eric moved off of her instantly as Sookie thrust her Gran’s shotgun into his hands that she had resourcefully retrieved from its hiding place underneath the couch. “Hold him off!”


“Where are you going?” he asked with confusion as he aimed the barrel at the intruding neighbour who finally caught on to his predicament holding his hands up in the air pathetically.


“Getting the fucking shovel!”







“Pamela just find the damn jar already!” Eric growled out impatiently.


“I’m looking alright!” she snapped back. “Fucking Ginger, leaving me to deal with this mess.”


“Where did she go?” Eric asked as it was the first time he realised that the eternal piece of chewed out gum to his shoe seemed to be missing that night.


“She left a note,” Pam returned dismissively. “Something about leaving on a high note and becoming a lumberjack. Here.” She thrust the elaborate crystal jar into his waiting hands.


“Finally,” he grumbled out. “All the arrangements are set?”


“Yes, Master,” Pam returned sardonically with a roll of her eyes but by the time they settled back to their normal stance he had already disappeared from view.




“You’re here quick,” Sookie noted as she threw open the door only just freshly showered from the remnants of Bill goo. “Thanks for coming. Please come in.”


“I got your messages,” he said while handing over the jar that once held Talbot’s remains to which Bill had now been carefully tipped into. “I just don’t understand why you wish to take ‘Bill’ to Dallas.”


“Bill never got to go to Six Flags,” she spoke casually over her shoulder as he followed her into the house. “Hoyt and Jessica liked the idea of going back there for their honeymoon, it all started there for them. It just made sense in the moment. Have you been?”


“Pam made me go once,” Eric acknowledged of the theme park. “There was an eatery called Pink Things she wanted to go to, so we ended up dining there.”


“You don’t eat,” Sookie said in confusion before it dawned on her what dining meant to him. “Oh.”


Pam had been impeccable with her arrangements and it made Eric wonder why he had allowed her to delegate everything to Ginger all these years and he sent a little prayer to the poor bearded lumberjacks who were now stuck with her. Hoyt and Jessica were ecstatic in their discovery of the park and its rides, though Sookie clearly remembered Hoyt’s presence the one time she had visited Six Flags. Jessica’s glamour had apparently eradicated that memory too, most likely since it was so intrinsically linked to Jason. She didn’t give it much thought as she didn’t feel like begrudging them a whole host of firsts.


Like Bill, Jessica had never got to go to the famous theme park and was insistent on riding all the rides with childish glee. Eric reluctantly paid for all the morbid photos of the three of them clutching onto the Jar-o-Bill with giant smiles as he sat out most of the rides. For a vampire who could fly at dazzling speeds there was little thrill in such things. Added to that there was much to contemplate with his newfound lease on life.


Sookie too had to admit that since Eric had taken her for that short flight in Bon Temps there was little fun to be had here. In comparison to her teenage memories she found little joy of what once was there. She left the newlyweds to seek out Eric instead when they insisted on repeating the latest ride.


“Hey,” she greeted softly before sitting beside him on the lonely bench he had been occupying with his thoughts.


“Having fun?”


“Not really,” she confessed to which he remained silent and merely observed her with a sideways glance. “Just different when you come somewhere for the second time round.”


“I know what you mean,” he returned with a small sigh which made her look at the company beside her more closely. It revealed the face of a man who once knelt on a rooftop not too far away from where they were sitting now.


“Eric, I didn’t think,” Sookie gasped with realisation as she reached for his hand, offering the same comfort she had in the moments before his maker met his end. “I’m so sorry. My god, I even demanded we stayed at the same hotel. I’m a horrible person.”


“You’re not,” Eric offered knowingly as he ran his free hand soothingly over her cheek. “You’re just grieving. Makes you forget the people around you sometimes.”


“No,” she whispered. “I’ve been weighed down by guilt. I thought coming here would make things right. Fix things somehow.”


“Take a bit of advice from an old man Sookie,” Eric smirked as she scooted herself closer to him. “Only by becoming a maker can you personally circumvent the certainty of death. For the rest we just have to lay back and sit out the ride. It’s not always up to us. People you love leave.”


“I don’t know if I can accept that,” she sniffed as a treacherous tear travelled down her face. “He didn’t have to leave, I did everything in my power to make him stay. I did things with him I vowed never to do again. I slept with him. All in a plea to keep him here.” Eric’s brow quirked slightly with that, though it merely confirmed an assumption but the disgust in her voice put their renewed relations in a new light to him. “I stopped being me for him. I nearly gave up everything that made me who I am for him. I couldn’t deal with the thought of losing one more. I’m just so sick of everyone dying.”


Eric continued his silence and merely wiped away at the tears before they were given a chance to fall. “It’s what you did for me isn’t it?” she suddenly said while observing the care in his eyes when the quiet lasted too long. “You stopped being you for me, doing everything to keep me safe. And in the end you laid back and sat out the ride. Why?”


“I hope I would,” he recited from a long lost memory which had them as physically close as they were now. “I I hope I will. ‘Cause that day’s gonna come, and I wanna be still feeling this, now. I want to so, so bad.”
“You held out for hope?”


“Hope’s a bitch,” he acknowledged regretfully. “I wanted to keep on feeling what I felt then. What you felt for me. What I feel whenever you’re around. Even when you don’t. I’m sorry I’m not ready to let go.”


“By Bill’s logic the noble thing to do right now, would be for me to kill myself,” she said with a small sigh as the strain that held her tense shoulders fell.


“It’s a good thing I never fell in love with Bill then,” he jested which finally allowed her to crack a smile.


“I thought you two had a bit of a fling at the authority,” she joked back.


“The closest we came was fooling around in the trunk of a car before our impending deaths,” Eric smirked. “It was a very brief bromance that I desperately wish to forget.”


“Seems all of Bill’s relationships were short lived,” Sookie noted more seriously. “Ours too for that matter.” He simply nodded in agreement as their hands intertwined with the thought of that loss.


“Want to go for a ride?”


“I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. With you,” she said alluding to a different kind of ride than he was initially offering, her hand, however, remained unwilling to let go of his when he tried to break the intimate connection in accordance with her statement. “But I’ll take a tour of the night sky.”


“What about Jessica and Hoyt?”


“They’re still blinded by newfound love,” she shrugged. “Won’t even notice that we’re gone.”


A secluded spot was found where Eric proceeded to pick her up bridal style and launched them into the night sky. It was a more impressive sight than Bon Temps due to the sheer amount of lights in the metropolitan area. When dawn neared a familiar rooftop greeted them while descending down.


“You know I wasn’t ready to let go either,” Sookie offered to the stoically silent vampire next to her who looked down at her curiously, temporarily removing his gaze from the ledge where Godric last stood. “I could let go of my Gran, Alcide and even Bill. But I couldn’t let go of my light. You know why?”


“Why?” he repeated softly.


“You made me see there was more to me,” she explained. “A side of me left completely unexplored.”


“Fairy Sookie,” he acknowledged. “I like her.”


“Me too,” she agreed. “I believe you once said she has a warrior’s heart.”


“That’s all of you. You gave comfort to a wounded man you barely knew more than once,” Eric voiced with a slight strain. “Your compassion is your greatest gift. My maker would not have found joy in the end if it weren’t for you. Peace. I don’t know what his death looked like but I felt it. I felt your presence in him and he was happy in passing.”


“I wanted to go to you after, offer you word of comfort,” Sookie admitted after explaining the beauty of Godric’s death. It made her realise in what stark contrast it stood to Bill’s demise. One fell to darkness while the other found light. “I even dreamt about it. I blamed your blood at the time but now I think it was merely my subconscious.”


“Guilt,” he said in recognition. “Still feel it for Bill?”


“No,” she exhaled with a slight sense of relief. “He wasn’t like Godric. Your maker was selfless, wanted better for this world. I can’t agree with him that it’s better without him, but to him it is. Somehow I can respect that. Godric knew what he was, a creature of darkness and he took the accountability. Bill wanted to be human again. He thought he could find it through me but instead a disease granted him that. Not me, he was selfish with his refusal of the cure. It returned him to mortality. That’s what he was seeking all along.”


“An end.”


Sookie nodded as her hand squeezed his cool one as it had yet to leave the initial grasp of earlier that night. “Is that what you feel around me?” she asked with a hint of insecurity. “A chance at redemption, the path to your end? What you are unable to let go.”


“No,” he answered firmly while staring her down intently. “I told you what I wanted once before.”


Everything,” she paraphrased reminding herself of the arrogant and presumptuous Eric she met shortly after her return from Faery.


“No,” he repeated sternly, reminding her of the plea from the man without his memories. “Forever.”


“There’s no such thing as forever. Everything ends.”


“I can’t accept that.”


Before she could protest that claim his mouth was pressing on hers, waiting for her to speak or reciprocate. Demanding a definitive decision from her. Hesitation hung heavy between them before her body moulded into his as Sookie decided she wasn’t one to accept that either. Never would, never could. They were the lone survivors that stuck out the fight when everyone else abandoned the battlefield. Warriors by hand and by heart. The ones that never could say goodbye, fighting till the end. Only in a moment of defeat by an equal foe would death come, in standing on that rooftop together they recognised that unparalleled adversary in the other. She finally understood what he meant. Everything. Forever.


One set of lips explored the feel of the other, hands finally let go of each other in respite to rediscover a once familiar body to deepen an ignited kiss. Cupping, caressing and simply holding for fear that this might be taken from them again. Only the warning of an encroaching sun forced them apart along with a gasp for breath.


This time instead of staying behind to watch the sun rise she followed him down the set of metal stairs. He hesitated slightly in front of his hotel room door, not quite sure whether she would follow him in. In attempt to stall possible rejection he asked, “What were you planning to say to me in comfort when my maker passed?”


Sookie rested her hand atop his cautious one over the engaged doorknob that merely needed a push to allow entrance into the room. She gave a nudge that had them both moving over the threshold while her gaze looked upon his vulnerable one as she offered, “Sometimes an end is merely a beginning.”




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“Leave me alone, I can do it!” the blonde vampire snapped at Jason who was precariously watching over the melee that was Pam in her movements around the infant girl.


“You have to take the flap and then… I think,” he tried to explain although the confusion was clearly written all over his face as his nails scratched at his head revealing he lacked any insight to the process.


“You’re supposed to be the father?” she drawled out with a heightened frown as her hands moved at preternatural speeds that his mortal eyes could barely follow. “Some things never change in a century.” With an exaggerated roll of the eyes she thrust the soiled diaper and used baby wipes into his hands as if it were toxic waste, it was accompanied by a look that indicated he better dispose of it in at least a 500 yard range. With hesitance Jason left the blonde vampire behind with his youngest daughter as he wordlessly followed her orders. In Pam’s opinion a little glamour never hurt anyone. Ginger had only seemed to improve with it.


The female vampire looked the baby over suspiciously for any residual filth before taking off her gasmask and rubber gloves. It was only through Sookie’s intervention that she hadn’t been allowed to wear her intended hazmat suit. “Get used to it,” Pam grumbled to herself as she recited the words her maker had spoken to her. “Get used to it Pam,” the vampiress repeated for accuracy. “Never do they say ‘Get used to it Willa’. Because Willa is little Miss Perfection. Never done a thing wrong her entire life. Miss Goody Two-shoes been babysitting poopshits like you since the age of thirteen. Evil bitch.”


For extra precaution Pam doused herself in hand sanitizer as she had heard humans speak of this thing called cooties that she refused to catch. “Can you imagine that Marie, I have to get used to the likes of you because my maker is having one. Little smelly teacups.”


The blonde babe merely stared at the strange lady with the unmoving face, annoyed with her lack of responsiveness Pam hissed and threw out her fangs in demonstration of the superior race. Instead of the usual scamper and fright baby Marie merely giggled and blew bubbles with the drool upon her lips.


“You’re okay I guess,” Pam mused regarding the possible accessory as she prodded at the tiny belly button. “A few extensions, a better wardrobe… it could work. You don’t smell as bad as the other tiny humans. Just need to figure out how to stop you from leaking from every hole.”


With careful scrutiny she observed the instructions on the bag of diapers taking in the diagrams step by step. “The best defence against diaper rash is a dry bottom, achieved through regular diaper checks and changes,” Pam read aloud. “What the fuck is air drying?” she scoffed before growling to the wide eyed girl, “Stay!” If only to spook the vampire further the giggles had now turned into full blown laughs.


“Who the fuck is going to wait on a baby to dry in the air,” Pam mumbled dismissively as she plugged in her travel blow dryer and set to dry the child’s behind in a much more efficient manner. “Idiots.”


“Petroleum jelly?” she questioned as she took in the proceeding step. “We’ll leave that toxic shit for the twat lips of the world,” Pam cooed in a tone that frightened her to another death with the mere knowledge that she possessed it. She stuck a carefully manicured finger to her descended fangs and proceeded to rub her healing blood over the inflamed bottom. When she was satisfied all was rehabilitated she wiped away the remnants of blood to admire her handiwork. “You’re going to need a shapely ass if you ever want to make it out of this hellhole, not like your stupid aunt Sookie who sucks everyone in with her magic fairy cunt. Now say thank you to Auntie Pam for helping mini-me to break out of this shithole.”


A mere look of curiosity was given in return at which Pam decided to just continue by placing a new diaper underneath her bottom. “Right little bears on the top,” she mumbled to herself remembering the instructions while Marie’s little legs started flaying about restlessly with the vampire’s cool touch on her skin. “Be still!” Pam demanded to little effect as she tried hopelessly to stick the side tabs in place.


“There,” she announced proudly to the prattling infant as the final step was completed. “It’s not as hard as everyone makes it out to be.” However, all pride in her achievement was soon lost when she lifted Marie by the waist and the diaper fell apart and back onto the commode.


“Fuck it!” Pam declared as she grabbed the roll of duct tape from her designer purse. “This is usually for twat lips and her incessant whining,” she explained with all seriousness to the wondering bulging eyes of the child whose hands reached up towards the new shiny item that dangled in front of her. “But it’ll do for this, don’t move.”


With discerning scrutiny Pam finally released the roll of tape before she carefully tested the hold of the tightly wrapped diaper to her satisfaction. “Silver’s not your colour,” she commented. “Lucky you, you’re an autumn type like me, which means we get to wear pink and reds.” Pleased with this information Pam started contemplating which outfits in her wardrobe she would have replicated in miniature size.


“Seriously is there anything in this town that doesn’t come from Walmart,” the blonde vampire growled with revulsion as she took in the intended outfit for the night. “Poly-blend? Honestly do they want to see you choke to death before your first birthday? Idiots. Fuck it.”




“Can you say that mini me? Fuck it,” Pam tried engaging the baby in speech again. “Fuuuuuck it.”


“Ugh,” Marie offered with a look as if she had just tasted something foul in her mouth.


“Well at least it’s a statement of disgust,” Pam shrugged as she fastened the last of the tiny buttons.




“Repeat,” she demanded stoically which only garnered another burst of giggles from her conversational counterpart. Eyes narrowed to hard slits when Pam commanded, “Again.”


“pa- ahm.”


“Yes mini-me, Pam,” the blonde vampire said with great approval. “That just got you your first Chanel bag. None of that made in China shit for my number one girl.”


With ease and grace she picked up Marie carefully while fully supporting the girl’s head like she had seen many women do and insistently demand of others for over a century. She cursed her maker and his stupid fairy wife internally for thinking her completely incapable around the tiniest of the species. They just seemed to conveniently forget that her vault registered everything, even unwanted information like child rearing. The little girl in her arms let out a sleepy yawn despite her desire to look at the life sized Barbie her older sisters always played with.


“They look at me like I would eat you mini-me. As if. I’m not aspiring to be anorexic,” Pam huffed out as she sat them both down in the rocking chair lulling the child to sleep. “My unparalleled physique is a result of a lifetime of corsets. Not like silly women today and their diets. None of that for you mini-me, no one likes to be poked by bones during sex. Well some like a certain bone but you and I are lucky not to have those icky things of flesh.”


Another little yawn escaped from the infant as her tiny hand reached for a lock of the vampire’s hair and held it to her cheek caressing it softly. Pam’s hand gently stroked the fair baby hairs on her head in return as the other held her firmly to her chest. She gave the child a stern look, “Tell anyone I sang to you and you will die a gruesome death,” Pam warned seriously to which Marie gave a tired giggle. “It’s good we have an understanding then.”


A small cough cleared her throat before Pam recited the nursery rhyme that she had forced her governesses to sing to her over and over again in her younger years.


Die, pussy, die,
Shut your little eye:
When you wake,
Find a cake,
Die, pussy, die.


After repeating the verse more than once in a strangely soothing yet monotone voice, the baby fell contentedly to sleep atop Pam. With the unexpected bundle of warmth that rested on top of her, she too fell into downtime.


“See I told you it would work,” Sookie whispered to Eric, her eyes gleaming with pride. “A few minutes with Marie and even her shrivelled up ovaries are exploding. My little niece can wrap even the coldest of hearts round those little fingers. Heaven help Jason when she’s all grown.”


“You don’t have to whisper,” he returned at a slightly elevated volume to indicate they were merely observing through the nanny cam hidden in one of the teddy bears and were out of clear range of Pam’s sensitised hearing.


“We’re doing secret spy stuff. You’re supposed to whisper,” she retorted with a whisper shout.


He gave a small chuckle as his hand traced the contours of her belly. “Heaven help me if this turns out to be a mini-you.”


“What’s that supposed to mean,” she hissed back testily.


“That I wouldn’t know which one of you to love more,” he covered quickly of his slip. If anything the past eight and a half months had taught to him to placate to her every will as seemingly random bursts of anger erupted from her throughout Sookie’s pregnancy. “So Pam passed the test?”


“Yeah,” Sookie smiled before giving him a chaste kiss to the lips. “Except she’ll need to learn a different nursery rhyme repertoire. That sounded like some horrible death metal anthem. Why don’t you go get Pam while I welcome the last of our guests?”


“Of course,” he returned obligingly before placing a soft kiss to her forehead and one on top of the belly that ensconced their future child. “Just make sure Willa’s boyfriend isn’t sitting in my seat again. Every fucking family dinner I have to kick his werehole ass out of it.”


“Eric, be nice!” Sookie admonished. “He cooked the turkey and everything.”


“He’s not good enough for my Willa,” Eric harrumphed showing his disdain for the Alfa were once more. Of all Willa’s boyfriends that had come and gone in the past few years none had been able to stand Eric’s scrutiny for beyond a month and it grated him to no end that the current man in his Willa’s life lacked the sense to back down and submit. It had been a trying few months aside from the pregnancy. “She doesn’t need anyone that can cook.”


A pointed glare from Sookie was met with a resigning sigh before Eric sped off to the upstairs to retrieve his other daughter. A small smile graced Sookie’s face as she rubbed her stomach serenely with knowledge only she possessed as she whispered to the child inside, “Heaven help him when he finds out he’s having another girl.”





A/N: There was a little reference to Dexter’s season finale in #12 so bonus points if you caught that 🙂 and here’s the brilliance that inspired it:


Pam’s little nursery rhyme in Fixin’ #13 is an actual one from Victorian times as printed in early renditions of Mother Goose but it seemed written for Pam so I just couldn’t help but include it….


As some of you may have noticed I’ve been a little remiss in my usual updating schedule. In fear of sounding like twatlips26… I’ve been sick, I woke up Saturday morning with a disturbing pain in my abdomen and a pounding headache to match. I know what it is, I have it once every other year if I’m lucky and I’m pretty much doubled over in pain for about 48 hrs, of which I have about 12 left to go. Who knows it might also be karmic retribution for writing about twatlips26… Anyways I’m taking it to mean that I need to slow down a little, listen to my body and take a rest. I contemplated putting out unedited chapters but I rather you wait for the coherent thing. So for the upcoming week I ask you to be patient, I’ll get to editing when I can. 


 My entry for Gyllene’s HEA contest, Intervention, was once meant to be a Thanksgiving Fixin’s feel free to check it out here.


I am still entertaining requests/prompts for these fixin’s. If they spark my imagination I’ll write it and credit you. So if you have something in mind or simply have an idea for the identity of the mystery man at the head of the table or something else leave it behind in the comment section below. Or simply rant about the final season… my associative brain picks up plenty of ideas from that alone 😀


As you may or may not have seen in the sidebar I am now also on Facebook so I can keep up with the Fanfiction Minions postings. I only post the notifications of update links so if you prefer that over the blog notifications you can now find me there also.



35 thoughts on “Thanksgiving Fixin’s 11-13

  1. I like this video game! Is it already in the stores? Where can I buy it ? Oh oh Mr. Compton is in deep trouble…Sookie went to get the shovel… These fixins are amazing and you are incredible! Thanks Hisviks for this one!


  2. I like this video game! Is it already in the stores? Where can I buy it? Oh no Mr Compton is in deep trouble….. Sookie is going to get the shovel! Loving these fixins and you Hisviks are amazing Thanks for sharing this one


    1. Wouldn’t it be nice if we just had a game to direct them to do exactly what we want… Love Sookie and a shovel, someone seriously needs to create some artwork out of that 😀 You know I have been researching how hard it would be to create a flash game where you can just hit Bill on the head all day… I would call it Whack-a-Bill but alas it is beyond my skill set… You’re totally welcome I’m glad you’re enjoying this and my other stories so much. As much as I like to piss all over True Blood it’s good to know some nice things can come from it too.


      1. It depends on the state in which you live, but in some states, the intruder has to actually enter your home. In other states, the intruder has to only be on your property, while in others the intruder has to be on your property threatening you. In pretty much all the states, there has to be the threat of imminent danger to you or those residing in your home. Long live the Second Amendment in which the right to “bear arms” or owning a gun & keeping it in your home has killed more gun owners than intruders… Though that’s not a statistic you’ll ever hear from gun proponents. You have to pass a criminal background/mental health background check to purchase a weapon, but anyone can purchase ammunition… That’s more frightening to me than the weapon purchase. God Bless America.


        1. Thank you for that informative lesson, but I shall remain with my position that all things gun related scare the crap out of me, so I shall stay away from it all unless an incarnation of Bill shows up… and honestly that nasty thing between his legs threatening to shoot its load is definitely imminent danger in my book 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I couldn’t agree more! I won’t have a gun in my house; even when my son comes to visit with his permit to carry, I won’t allow him to bring it into our home. I tell him if he’s that worried about a home invasion or concerned about visiting our neighborhood (one of the safest in the suburbs) that he need not visit nor is he sending a good message to his son. I don’t even allow my grandkids any form of gunplay, unless it’s water guns.
            I shudder to think of teeny tiny that thing between Bill’s legs attempting to shoot anything from it…


            1. Don’t think too much about Bill or his tiny friend… you’ll never get a decent night’s sleep again… blegh… speaking of dangling things, have you seen Sephrenia’s latest banners for competition? The third one had me remniscent of our conversation about Eric’s giant GP and the cowgirl scenario… LOL


              1. Son a … I did it again! LOL! OK, that conversation was hilarious & makes me wish I’d saved it! I’m going to go peek at Seph’s contest page & take a look at the banner again. You know, you could write a little one-take and enter the contest… After all, you did win the last time, so why not go for two? You’re an amazing writer & storyteller so I’m sure you could come up with something fantastic once again!

                As for Bill, I’d never have nightmares about him! Humorous dreams? Most definitely! My nightmares are filled with things all too realistic these days, and I’d be happy to have dreams about fictional Bill and all the fiendish things I could come up with to make his existence even more miserable! As for dangling things, I’m not sure if a micro-penis CAN dangle. I’d have to pull out my old books and research it. Or, like people do these days, I could use the Internet! I’m so old school I forget that I can find everything on here. OK, going to peek on Seph’s contest page! BRB!


              2. OK, you just have to write a one-shot based partly on our conversation using that third banner! I can imagine some of those statements now! “Why whatever are you hiding under that big hat, Mr. Northman?” “The bigger the better here in Texas!” And so on! I’ll even be your secret collaborator! LOL! Unless of course the story has to be serious. It’ll never fly that way! I’d never be able to do anything with a straight face after that conversation! LMAO!!!


                1. They were my first thoughts too, but I’d kind of feel awful for sullying the competition with our inappropriate mind smut like that… who am I kidding none of the stories under that banner are going to be chaste… the things we can do with lasso’s and all that other rodeo stuff. Didn’t you once promise to help me hogtie Sookie when she was being particularly annoying? I’d definitely need you as my secret collaborator because little typing is happening whenever I read these things back or write them for that matter… btw the conversation is still there on the previous page…. which kind of puts us out of the running with the whole anonymity thing, maybe Sephrenia will indulge us and put it in as a promo piece of what not to submit….


                    1. LOL You’re not the one writing it! It’s so easy to encourage from that end… It’s bad enough that graphic muse has been acting up all morning and afternoon (no alcohol involved this time) till I finally relented and started a little quick photoshopping session so now I have the pictures back of Jar-o-Bill at Six Flags… I’m putting it up on Facebook later today…


                    2. Jar ‘O Bill! LMAO!!! I wonder if it would make a good cosmetic…like you could take a little portion of it and put it in some face cream and then, Voila! Your wrinkles, laugh lines, and crow’s feet begin to disappear overnight! Now that would certainly make Pam more money than New Blood ever could! I’d buy it! For 55, I look young except for these damn turtle wrinkles around my neck… A little few drops from Jar O’ Bill that the world need never know of the secret ingredient would clear those right up, and a new enterprise is born for greedy Pam!
                      Where did that ever come from anyway? “Bill never got to go to Six Flags? WTF would a vampire care about an amusement park? Isn’t that what they have humans for; their own amusement?

                      I’d encourage you all the way through writing it, and would even help! Besides editing for content, I’d help provide some! I’d encourage the alcohol too since I’d have to enjoy it vicariously through you! 🙂 You should put up the Jar O’ Bill on your blog too. I hate FB. The newer format with all the changing .gifs & such makes me crazy. Not good for epileptics!


                    3. I have carefully avoided FB my entire life but I joined to make Gyllene’s life a little easier with the fanfiction minions updates. Now on it, it has confirmed to me why I never wanted to be there as it suggests I should like things like petroleum jelly… but I’ll do anything to make life easier for those who avoid Speaking of which I’m this close to writing a horrible crackfic over that ‘ericbella whatever number she is now’, I’m secretly hoping it’s a giant hoax to see how long it takes to get kicked off… which appears to be forever… seriously if that person is real I want to crack that head open and look inside it’s just too damn fascinating. I thought it was a child but she’s probably older than me if she’s been around since the early days of as she claims…

                      You know there is such a thing as a vampire facial, they prick your skin with lots of needles till you bleed and then put harvested ‘stem cells’ or something or the other on it to rejuvenate the skin… you look like an utter idiot robbed of a few hundred dollars and I seriously doubt it works… I just put up the Jar-o-Bill photo op on the blog, it just won’t carry a separate notice post today. I’ll put it with the sunday announcement post of all the fixin’s instead. It’s probably the worst piece of photoshopping ever but it does the job 😀

                      I probably will need to get drunk to write that piece of cowboy business, I’ll see if I can outline something if I find the time and shall rely on your support… *sigh*


                    4. It’s a hardship, using that amazing & creative brain of yours. 🙂 You’re brilliant & I trust you’ll be able to come up with something wonderful from that fascinating imagination you have. If you need to get tipsy, go for it. I’ll fix the drunken errors! I’ll help, of course. You can count on me for the sarcasm and filth.

                      OMG. People actually allow someone to do that to them and they pay for it? Ha! I’ll bet they would have bought those tonics sold by carpetbaggers back in the Old West too. I’ll keep my turtle wrinkles. I’ve earned them from the ingrates, first husband, relatives, patients, and asshole bosses (are there any other kind?). Can’t wait to see the Jar O’ Bill though! The very thought just gives me the giggles! 🙂 You know, he deserved to go down the garbage disposal so much more than Talbot. Poor Talbot. Russell truly loved him, and Talbot wasn’t a bad guy for a vampire. He had impeccable taste!

                      What’s up with this chick from I know she’s plagiarizing; here we go again… I figured she was probably fairly young given the fandom for which she was “writing” and the fact that she was plagiarizing. To me, that speaks of a young person. Trust me, when mine were younger, the girls would have probably tried to pull of the same thing (for a school paper, not published something; they would have had to suffer my wrath either way), so I don’t care what amount of time this person claims to have been involved with It’s not as if that site attempts to verify anything! is NOT going to remove her story and they are not going to kick her off the site. They won’t do anything! They will, however; sanction those who continue to insist that they do something about this person. They don’t support those who are in the right; they either remove their stories, blackmail the writer into removing anything controversial written about the plagiarizer or anonymous flamers, or remove the writer from the site entirely. is a toxic site and I strongly urge all who post there to remove their stories as promptly as possible. This current situation is bringing tons of traffic and attention to the site; why would they remove this person? They don’t care that they’re complicit in the plagiarism; fanfiction writers have no legal recourse when it comes to being plagiarized. The only people who do are the original authors and/or those who own the copyrights. It’s a damn shame, but it’s the law of the land. As long as fanfiction writers are using someone else’s characters, all of you are left open for these heinous and most lazy individuals to come along and steal that which you have poured your hearts, souls, and creativity into for the fandom to enjoy. It won’t end here, and it won’t end as long as fanfiction exists. There are some attorneys working on getting this changed, and I wish them the best of luck, but as long as FF writers continue to write their stories as they do, it’s pretty much impossible. Still, I think you should write your crack fic. In fact, I think all of you ladies on the “I Hate Bill” or whatever it’s called, should each write a short crack fic in response to this “writer’s own story.” There’s nothing she can do about it, and what’s the worst that can happen? will remove your stories? Aw! How sad, too bad. At least you’ll get to make a statement for even just a short period of time before they remove them! Fuck They censor anyway. It’s in direct violation of our First Amendment regardless of what they may say on their site…In fact, they never did censor until the holy rollers had a group of attorneys represent them demanding that remove specific adult-themed stories (rated as such) or they would…whatever it is they were using to threaten the site. Trying to censor the Internet is like trying to corral farm kittens. It simply cannot be done, nor should it be attempted.

                      I’m obviously an old diehard hippie liberal in case you couldn’t tell…

                      I was not aware that it might make gyllene’s life easier by going onto FB for the FF minions. If that’s so, I’m all about making my golden girl’s life easier (I’ve adopted her as another daughter. She’s not included as an ingrate!).

                      BTW, I have to update my blog about the Dream Team insofar as I’m going to really get to work on it next week after my stitches are removed. There will be an update as to new members of the team who were runners up due to some of the winners graciously bowing out and not being to accept due to time constraints. I will be kind & diplomatic…

                      You are one of the runners-up! Would you like to be a member of our Dream Team? At this point, I don’t expect anything to get started until sometime in October due to my surgeries & recoveries as well as all the other contests in play. I don’t care how long it takes; I just truly want to give the readers what they want! Let me know!

                      Have a great morning & afternoon! I’ve got chapters to edit so I better get to work!

                      P&L! 🙂



                    5. It’s just the collecting of the update posts from the authors on FB that makes it easier for Gyllene, she doesn’t have to continually keep track of them this way, I think for the followers there isn’t much difference. I’m still amazed and ever so thankful she’s keeping it up so well.

                      I find a really annoying site, I discriminate against it on aesthetics alone… I feel like I’m back in the nineties whenever I log on there but unfortunately it’s the site where everyone automatically goes, so we’re sort of stuck with it till I make the giant bucks and can buy the domain name 😉 I never really experienced the censorship trials but I honestly don’t understand why online fiction has ratings at all. My 14 year old cousin can walk into any bookstore or library and get herself a copy of fifty shades of crap and the likes and no one will stop her, a questionable look at most… Stuff that triggers trauma garners a warning but for the rest I really don’t feel that it’s up to the authors to define what rating applies, considering they are extremely vague… I do think there’s a discussion to be had about plagiarism in the fanfic world because it’s rather hypocritical to claim you can’t use any of the ideas of what another fanfic author is putting out in the public domain when you do the same with established canon, when you’ve read a lot it’s inevitable that ‘fanon’ becomes ‘canon’. Blatant copying is of course completely inexcusable and a giant headache for those who have to deal with these idiots… ‘girls’ like this (she claims to be an adult but like you I have my doubts regardless of her age) are just looking for affirmation through the reviews and that’s really sad, it’s something you see with a lot of authors on who are begging for placating reviews, I find them detrimental… that’s like writing for critics… never ends well. I write for my own enjoyment and anyone else who wants to come along for the ride is more than welcome to and if you don’t like it move along, I really couldn’t care less… Let me email you about drunken cowboys and dream teams it’s probably easier, I need to get started on dinner and I’m procrastinating again… I can see an email address on the dashboard of my blog, starts with mr at comcast will that work?


                    6. It’s mrsc, then the numbers

                      That will work!!

                      I’ve got to get dinner started & finish this work! My husband always chooses to speak with me when I’m working & then I’ve been getting these pesky phone calls all day except for the one I’ve been waiting for & dreading…so that’s at least one good thing! OK, back to work!


  3. In this fixin Bill finally got to go to Six Flags ! So happy for him! Loved that Eric and Sookie finally talked and got to an understanding….”Sometimes an end is merely a beginning” These words are so true..beautiful……until the next fixin..Take care


    1. Good to hear you enjoyed this one 😀 you’re just going to have to pretend that in all my fixin’s where Sookie and Eric are happily together 4 years on this is how they came to be, as I give that boring canon ending a multitude of better beginnings for these two…


  4. #11 – awww so nerdy playing that game… glad eric convinced her to switch to a more rewarding ‘game’ even if then they had to move to the ‘shovel-the-creepy-compton’ game…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. #12 – Seriously how stupid did the writers-from-hell write Sookie as a character in TB… What a way to waste perfectly good flawed heroine material… Glad she went and found out that yeah, that is a good beginning right there…


    1. Sometimes I look up certain scenes to check my memory of specific lines and I’m totally dumbfounded how that is supposed to be the same person in the end… Sookie seemed to have followed Ginger’s path of personal destruction ending up just as moronic as she… *sigh* at least Bill finally got to go to Six Flags… We all get to be extremely thankful for that because that was what the show was all about anyway… an annoying piece of goo that should have disappeared seasons ago 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Again your Pam is the best. Duct tape and nappies – what a great idea. That’ll stop my 6 month old son who’s just learned to undo his own nappies! And I’m gonna add that nursery rhyme in to the bedtime rotation. There’s gotta be sheet music somewhere so I can get the tune right.

    Liked by 1 person

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